- "In Los Angeles they don't throw out their garbage away. They make it into television shows."
- "I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own."
- "My problems all started with my early education. I went to a school for mentally disturbed teachers."
- "My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty."
- "My wife and I pondered for a while whether to take a vacation or get a divorce. We decided that a trip to Bermuda is over in two weeks, but a divorce is something you always have."
- "Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will not have declared you legally insane in order to gain control of your estate."
- "Bisexuality doubles your chances of a date on a Saturday night."
- "On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down."
- "My brain, that's my second favourite organ."
- "I failed to make the chess team because of my height."
- "I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch."
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Funny Quotes By Woody Allen
Tags: Funny Quotes
BOY : May I hold your hand? GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me! BOY : You love me... GIRL : If w...
Albert Einstein is best mind known to human. He was the most Intellectual person ever. But still he had a funny side to him. Following are s...
Who says today’s kids aren’t smart? Well, some of them are! I wish I’d thought of this ... At a high school in Montana a group of stu...
1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out. 2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. 3. Going to church doesn...
1. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either. 2. I ...
Q - Why is it called a TV set when there's only one? Q - If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as ...
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much lea...
The average bed is home to over 6 billion dust mites. Just twenty seconds worth of fuel remained when Apollo 11's lunar module landed on...
There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot. Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in...
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts. If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is...