Why does Santa always go down the chimney?
Because it soots him!
(that's one of Santa's favourite jokes! *HO! Ho! ho!*)
Where does Santa stay when he's on holidays?
At a Ho-ho-tel!
What does Mrs. Claus sing to Santy on his birthday?
"Freeze a jolly good fellow!"
What does Santa put on his toast?
What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!
An honest politician, a kind lawyer and Santa Claus were walking down the street and saw a $20 bill. Which one picked it up??
Santa! The other two don't exist!
What do you do if Santa Claus gets stuck in your chimney?
Pour Santa flush on him!
What does Santa say to the toys on Christmas Eve?
Okay everyone, sack time!
What do the elves call it when Père Noël claps his hands at the end of a play?
Why does Santa like to work in his garden?
Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe!
What do you call a kitty on the beach on Christmas morning?
Who delivers presents to dentist offices?
Who delivers Christmas presents to elephants?
What do you get if Santa comes down the chimney while the fire is still burning?
Why does St. Nicholas have a white beard?
So he can hide at the North Pole!
What do you call Santa when he has no money?
What smells most in a chimney?
What does Kris Kringle like to get when he goes to the donut shop?
A jolly roll!
What do you call someone who doesn't believe in Father Christmas?
A rebel without a Claus!
What is invisible but smells like milk and cookies?
Kris Kringle burps!
What did Santa get when he crossed a woodpecker with kleenex?
What does Santa like to have for breakfast?
Why does Santa take presents to children around the world?
Because the presents won't take themselves!
What does Santa use when he goes fishing?
His north pole!
How do we know Santa is such a good race car driver?
Because he's always in the pole position!
What is twenty feet tall, has sharp teeth and goes Ho Ho Ho?
What's red & white and red & white and red & white?
Santa rolling down a hill!
What did Santa say to Mrs. Claus when he looked out the window?
Looks like "rain", "Dear"!
What's red and green and flies?
An airsick Santa Claus!
How does Père Noël take pictures?
With his North "Pole"-aroid!
Why does Santa's sleigh get such good mileage?
Because it has long-distance runners on each side!
What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh! Ho, Ho, Swoosh?
Santa caught in a revolving door!
What kind of motorcycle does Santy ride?
A "Holly" Davidson!
Where does Father Christmas go to vote?
The North Poll!
What's red and white and falls down the chimney?
What do you call Saint Nick after he has come down the chimney?
What nationality is Santa Claus?
Why does Santa owe everything to the elves?
Because he is an elf-made man!
What goes oh, oh, oh?
Santa Claus walking backwards!
How many chimneys does Saint Nick go down?
What does Santa get if he gets stuck in a chimney?
What would you call Father Christmas if he became a detective?
Who delivers Christmas presents to pets?
Why, Santa Paws of course!
Why does Santa always go down the chimney?
Three men were sitting together talking about how they had given their new wives duties. Terry had married a woman from America and bragged...
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much lea...
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have thei...
G eorge B ush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and ...
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some people just don't have film. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. A day without sunshine is...
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Hey! Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet....
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE . "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished clea...
1. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either. 2. I ...
Bill catches a taxi home one evening and the cabbie charges him almost double the usual fare and when Bill complains he becomes abusive. Bi...
After months of gentle urging from his wife, a man finally had to admit he needed a hearing aid. The audiologist confirmed it. "How...