- This is your captain speaking and I don't feel that life is worth living anymore.
- We're cruising at an altitude of... ah, hell, I don't know.
- Could somebody come up here and tell me what this button does?
- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Just kidding.
- Would a flight attendant bring me a martini? And keep 'em coming!
- This is...uh...this is...uh...your...hmm. I seem to have lost my memory.
- Passengers on the left side of the plane -- does that engine sound funny to you?
- Welcome aboard flight 109 -- you bunch of jerks!
- Good God, Steve! We're going to crash! Oops -- is this intercom on?
- We'll be on the ground in 10 minutes. One way or another.
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