- I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
- I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
- Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
- If I throw a stick, will you leave?
- Does your train of thought have a caboose?
- Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
- Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
- Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
- See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
- Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
- A woman’s favorite position is CEO.
- I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
- A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
- Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.
- Can I trade this job for what’s behind door number 1?
- I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
- Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
- Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I’m wrong.
- Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
- Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
- Never trust a dog to watch your food.
- Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
- If At First You Don’t Succeed, Blame Someone Else And SeekCounseling.
- You’re Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much lea...
DEMOCRATIC You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you. REPUBLICAN ...
G eorge B ush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and ...
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have thei...
A man owned a small farm in Norfolk. The Department of wages claimed he was not paying proper wages to his staff and se...
1. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either. 2. I ...
Who says today’s kids aren’t smart? Well, some of them are! I wish I’d thought of this ... At a high school in Montana a group of stu...
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some people just don't have film. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. A day without sunshine is...
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Hey! Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet....
1. Never ask a woman if she wants to have sex by asking her if she wants to have sex. 2. It is more important to have good health insuranc...