- I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
- I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
- Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
- If I throw a stick, will you leave?
- Does your train of thought have a caboose?
- Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
- Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
- Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
- See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
- Not all men are annoying. Some are dead.
- A woman’s favorite position is CEO.
- I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
- A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
- Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven’t fallen asleep yet.
- Can I trade this job for what’s behind door number 1?
- I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
- Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
- Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I’m wrong.
- Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
- Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
- Never trust a dog to watch your food.
- Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
- If At First You Don’t Succeed, Blame Someone Else And SeekCounseling.
- You’re Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much lea...
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE . "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished clea...
BOY : May I hold your hand? GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me! BOY : You love me... GIRL : If w...
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Hey! Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet....
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Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have thei...
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some people just don't have film. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. A day without sunshine is like...
Who says today’s kids aren’t smart? Well, some of them are! I wish I’d thought of this ... At a high school in Montana a group of stu...