- The longest sentence known to man: “I do.”
- I only use deodorant under one arm, so I know what I would have smelled like.
- Crime doesn’t pay… Does that mean my job is a crime?
- This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! … Now read without the word dog.
- Do you ever notice that when you’re driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
- I’ve used up all my sick days, so I’m calling in dead.
- Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.
- What’s the quietest place in the world? The complaint department at the parachute packing plant.
- I’m not into working out. My philosophy: No pain. No pain.
- When a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $4.95 a minute.
- Pleas turn your mobile phone upside down now! Hurry 370HSSV 0773H
- Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
- Never forget that you’re unique, just like everyone else.
- I heard you took an IQ test and they said you’re results were negative.
- What do u call dog with no legs? Don’t matter wot u call him, he ain’t gonna come.
- I don’t have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
- Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
- If practice makes perfect, and nobody’s perfect, why practice?
- Born Free… Taxed to Death.
- We will now upgrade your brain, please wait… searching… searching… still searching… sorry NO BRAIN found.
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