- Cops would be broadcast live, and you could phone in advice to the pursuing Cops. Or to the crooks.
- The only show opposite Monday Night Football would be Monday Night Football from a Different Camera Angle.
- It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas.
- Every man would get four real Get Out of Jail Free cards per year.
- When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in:
- Cop: "You know how fast you were going?"
- You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place."
- Cop: "Nice one. That's $10 off."
- People would never talk about how fresh they felt.
- Daisy Duke shorts would never again go out of style.
- Telephones would automatically cut off after 30 seconds of conversation.
- At the end of the workday, a whistle would blow and you'd jump out your window and slide down the tail of a brontosaurus and right into your car like Fred Flintstone.
- It'd be considered harmless fun to gather 30 friends, put on horned helmets, and go pillage a nearby town.
- Lifeguards could remove citizens from beaches for violating the "public ugliness" ordinance.
- Tanks would be far easier to rent.
- Garbage would take itself out.
- Instead of beer belly, you'd get "beer biceps."
- Instead of an expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said, "You're #1!"
- Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur in leap years. (Wouldn't help -- you STILL wouldn't remember!)
- On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off. Mother's Day, too.
- St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same.
- But it would be celebrated every month.
- Any fake phone number a girl gave you would automatically forward your call to her real number.
- Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed an acceptable response To "I love you."
- Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards.
- When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out.
- Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the backside and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it.
- Birth control would come in ale or lager.
- Each year, your raise would be pegged to the fortunes of the NFL Team of your choice.
- The funniest guy in the office would get to be CEO.
Saturday, July 25, 2009
If Men Ruled the World
Tags: funny lists
BOY : May I hold your hand? GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me! BOY : You love me... GIRL : If w...
Albert Einstein is best mind known to human. He was the most Intellectual person ever. But still he had a funny side to him. Following are s...
Who says today’s kids aren’t smart? Well, some of them are! I wish I’d thought of this ... At a high school in Montana a group of stu...
1. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either. 2. I ...
1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out. 2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. 3. Going to church doesn...
Q - Why is it called a TV set when there's only one? Q - If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as ...
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much lea...
The average bed is home to over 6 billion dust mites. Just twenty seconds worth of fuel remained when Apollo 11's lunar module landed on...
There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot. Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in...
NICKNAMES If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they...