A Professor at one of the Management School's was explaining marketing concepts to the Students:
- You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. "Marry me!" - That's Direct Marketing"
- You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says: "He's very rich.Marry him." -That's Advertising"
- You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day, you call and say: "Hi, I'm very rich."Marry me - That's Telemarketing"
- You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. You get up her and straighten your tie, you walk up to her and pour her a drink, you open the door (of the car)for her,pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her ride and then say:"By the way, I'm rich. Will y "Marry Me?" - That's Public Relations"
- You're at a party and see gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says:"You are very rich! "Can you marry ! me?" - That's Brand Recognition"
- You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" She gives you a nice hard slap on your face. -"That's Customer Feedback"
- You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say: "I am very rich. Marry me!" And she introduces you to her husband. -"That's demand and supply gap"
- You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say anything, another person come and tell her: "I'm rich. Will you marry me?" and she goes with him - "That's competition eating into your market share"
- You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and before you say: "I'm rich, Marry me!" your wife arrives. - "That's restriction for entering new markets
Tags: Funny Sayings
A young boy and his dad went out fishing one fine morning. After a few quiet hours out in the boat, the boy became curious about the world around him. He looked up at his dad and asked "How do fish breath under water?"
His dad thought about it for a moment, then replied, "I really don't know, son."
The boy sat quietly from another moment, then turned back to his dad and asked, "How does our boat float on the water?"
Once again his dad replied, "Don’t know, son."
Pondering his thoughts again, a short while later, the boy asks "Why is the sky blue?"
Again, his dad replied. "Don’t know, son."
The inquisitive boy, worried he was annoying his father, asks this time "Dad, do you mind that I'm asking you all of these questions?"
"Of course not son." replied his dad, "How else are you ever going to learn anything?"
The Michaels family owned a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border. Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada for generations. Mrs. Michaels, who had just celebrated her ninetieth birthday, lived on the farm with her son and three grandchildren.
One day, her son came into her room holding a letter. "I just got some news, Mom," he said. "The government has come to an agreement with the people in Washington. They've decided that our land is really part of the United States. We have the right to approve or disapprove of the agreement. What do you think?"
"What do I think?" his mother said. "Jump at it! Call them right now and tell them we accept! I don't think I could stand another one of those Canadian winters!"
Tags: Text Jokes
I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother.
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's empty and so is your head.
Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;
This describes everything you are not
I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face
Continue Reading More such deadly rhyme
- In the two week period leading up to Valentine’s Day, American sales of gold jewelry lead to 34 million metric tons of waste.
- The vast majority of roses sold for Valentine’s Day in the U.S. are imported from South America, wasting fossil fuels.
- Valentine’s Day traces its roots to an ancient pagan holiday called Lupercalia, in which men stripped naked, grabbed whips, and spanked young women in hopes of increasing their fertility.
- The Christian martyr St. Valentine was beheaded on February 14 for performing marriages in secret.
- Research suggests that 75 percent of suicide attempts are attributable to relationship problems.
- 46 percent of Americans will exchange Valentine’s Day candy.
- 67 percent of Americans are overweight or obese.
- The first Valentine’s Day card was sent by Charles, Duke of Orleans, to his wife while he was imprisoned in the Tower of London. He remained a prisoner of war for the next twenty-four years.
- A recent poll found that one in ten young adults admitted to feeling lonely, insecure, depressed, or unwanted on Valentine’s Day. And that’s just the ones that admitted it.
- Forty percent of people have negative feelings towards Valentine’s Day.
- The famous St. Valentine’s Day Massacre, in which seven Chicago gangsters were gunned down on February 14, 1929, was one of the bloodiest in mob history.
- 64 percent of American men do not make Valentine’s Day plans in advance.
- Candy hearts taste like crap.
- Even if you’re really, really in love right now, you’re still going to die eventually.
A father passing by his son’s bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an Envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to ‘Dad.’
With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter.
It is with great regret and sorrow that I’m writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you.
I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice.
But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercing, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it’ s not only the passion...Dad she’s pregnant.
Stacy said that we will be very happy.
She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.
Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn’t really hurt anyone. We’ll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy.
In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it.
Don’t worry Dad. I’m 15 and I know how to take care of myself.
Someday I’m sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren.
Love, Your Son John
PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I’m over at Tommy’s house.
I Just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a Report card That’s in my center desk drawer.
I love you.
Call me when it’s safe to come home…
Don’t just have career or academic goals. Set goals to give you a balanced, successful life. I use the word balanced before successful. Balanced means ensuring your health, relationships, mental peace are all in good order. There is no point of getting a promotion on the day of your breakup. There is no fun in driving a car if your back hurts. Shopping is not enjoyable if your mind is full of tensions.
Life is one of those races in nursery school where you have to run with a marble in a spoon kept in your mouth. If the marble falls, there is no point coming first. Same is with life where health and relationships are the marble. Your striving is only worth it if there is harmony in your life. Else, you may achieve the success, but this spark, this feeling of being excited and alive, will start to die.
One thing about nurturing the spark - don’t take life seriously. Life is not meant to be taken seriously, as we are really temporary here. We are like a pre-paid card with limited validity. If we are lucky, we may last another 50 years. And 50 years is just 2,500 weekends. Do we really need to get so worked up?
It’s ok, bunk a few classes, scoring low in couple of papers, goof up a few interviews, take leave from work, Enjoy with your friends, fall in love, little fights with your loved Ones . We are people, not programmed devices.
A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees.
"I don't want to know," the child said, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me."
Confused, the father asked what was wrong.
The boy sobbed, "When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech. At seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech. When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech.
If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for."
During a recent password audit at a company, it was found that a
blonde receptionist was using the following password:
When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and Include at least one capital.
A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.
She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home.
She read. ‘And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: ‘Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?’
The teacher paused then asked the class: ‘And what do you think the man said?’
One little boy raised his hand and said
’I think the man would have said - ‘What The Fuck!! A talking pig!’The teacher had to leave the room
A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue.
Doctor: “What happened?”
Woman: “Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp.”
Doctor: “I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of chamomile tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle.”
Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.
Woman: “Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I gargled with chamomile tea. I gargled and gargled, and nothing happened!”
Doctor: “You see how keeping your mouth shut helps?”
Tags: marriage jokes
Following is archive of posts published in Jan 2010 , check if you missed any...
Have a great Feb :)
- Long Time No See Son, Please Log Off
- I Was Just Practicing
- Sitting Higher Have Big Advantages
- Attention Dogs
- Sex Of Fly
- Also, The Bridge Is Out Ahead
- You Know You Are Living 2010 When
- Reverse Psychology
- This Food Is Too Boring
- Some Nutritional Facts
- Anti Fans
- How You Live Is Your Choice To Make
- Smart Dad
- Exorcist Girl
- Understanding Tax Cuts
- New Pringles Hot n Spicy
- Brave Firemen ?
- Die Hard Canadian Hockey Fan
- Fart Football
- Optimist : Never Gives Up
- Trouble Handling You Kids : Order This
- Happy Plane
- Dream Job
- When Cloning Goes Wrong!!!!
- Flying Could Be Such A Fun
- Last Five Minutes Before The Time Ends Up
- Drinking Competition
- The Four Goldberg Brothers
- Getting Rid Of Wrinkles
- How Dare You Click My Picture Without My Permissio...
- Definition Of Kiss
- Drag N Drop
- Have You Ever Been This Tired????
- This Is What a Computer Should Do First Thing In M...
- Pregnancy Q & A
- Blogging ? Better Mind Your Grammar
- No One Tells Me Shit
- Everything OK : No Protest
- Murphy's Technology Laws
- Life Is Long
- Indian Curry
- I Am Not Amused
- Go !! Stand Against The Wall
- Somethings Are Important Than General Knowledge
- Football Or Is It ?
- Catholic Kids
- Heavenly Meeting
- Photoshop : Fixes Anything
- Smart Choice
- 3 Stages Of Life
- Why Not Use What You Have?
- The Guy With Pink Tee Is Dead Meat
- Winter Weather Forecast
- The Meeting's Over Guys
- The Importance of Exercise
- DoYou Know Where Kiwi Comes From
- Craziest Explanation Ever
- Donut Philosophy
- Honest Scammer
- Alcohol Addiction
- Quick, Or My Patient Will Die
- Pre Examinations
- Cops On Duty
- Fun Pool Activities
- What To Do When Your Internet Goes Down
- Pie Chart Of Time Spent Working On Electronics
- Think You Are Smart
- Paint Fail
- Nobody Cares About Humans These Days
- How Long Has It Been Since You Played Around?
- My To Do List For Last Year
- Car Won't Start
- Can't Do Without TV
- Why It's Better To Be Women
- Shoot Me
- Questions That Haunt Me
- Happy New Year To All Laughitout Reader
- Obama's New Year Celebration
- New Year Resolutions
A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd really love to be ten again" she replied wistfully.
On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, got up, made her a nice big bowl of Frosties and then took her off to their local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.
Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.
Right away, they journeyed to a McDonald's where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.
Then it was off to the cinema to see the latest blockbuster, complete with a hot-dog, popcorn, a big fizzy drink, and a huge bag of M&M's, her favourite sweets.
What a time she had!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well, Darling, what was it like being ten again?"
Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.
"You idiot", she replied. "I meant my dress size..."
And the moral of the story:
Even when a man is listening, he's still going to get it wrong.
- The American Dairy Association was so successful with its "Got Milk?" campaign, that it was decided to extend the ads to Mexico. Unfortunately, the Spanish translation was "Are you lactating?"
- Electrolux, a Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer, used this ad in the U.S.: "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux."
- Colgate introduced a toothpaste called "Cue" in France, but it turned out to be the same name as a well-known porno magazine.
- Coors Beers put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer from diarrhea."
- Chicken magnate Frank Perdue’s line, "It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken," sounds much more interesting in Spanish: "It takes a sexually stimulated man to make a chicken affectionate."
- A hair products company, Clairol, introduced the "Mist Stick", a curling iron, into Germany only to find out that mist is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the manure stick.
- When Kentucky Fried Chicken entered the Chinese market, to their horror they discovered that their slogan "finger lickin’ good" came out as "eat your fingers off"
- Parker Pens translated the slogan for its ink, "Avoid Embarrassment - Use Quink" into Spanish as "Evite Embarazos - Use Quink"...which also means, "Avoid Pregnancy - Use Quink."
- When Pepsi started marketing its products in China a few years back, they translated their slogan, "Pepsi Brings You Back to Life" pretty literally. The slogan in Chinese really meant, "Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back from the Grave."
- In Italy, a campaign for "Schweppes Tonic Water" translated the name into the much less thirst quenching "Schweppes Toilet Water."
- Chinese translation proved difficult for Coke, which took two tries to get it right. They first tried Ke-kou-ke-la because when pronounced it sounded roughly like Coca-Cola. It wasn’t until after thousands of signs had been printed that they discovered that the phrase means "bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax," depending on the dialect. Second time around things worked out much better. After researching 40,000 Chinese characters, Coke came up with "ko-kou-ko-le" which translates roughly to the much more appropriate "happiness in the mouth."
- Not to be outdone, Puffs tissues tried later to introduce its product, only to learn that "Puff" in German is a colloquial term for a whorehouse. The English weren’t too fond of the name either, as it’s a highly derogatory term for a non-heterosexual.
- The Chevy Nova never sold well in Spanish speaking countries. "No va" means "it doesn’t go" in Spanish.
- Ford introduced the Pinto in Brazil. After watching sales go nowhere, the company learned that "Pinto" is Brazilian slang for "tiny male genitals." Ford pried the nameplates off all of the cars and substituted them with "Corcel" which means horse.
- When Gerber first started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as here in the USA - with the cute baby on the label. Later they found out that in Africa companies routinely put pictures on the label of what’s inside since most people can’t read.
Tags: funny ads
February 14th is right around the corner, which means it's time for a few misguided Valentine's Day Jokes to poke fun at the day Cupid makes his rounds poking people in the butt with painful arrows and such. Rather than bore you with a bunch of babbling, we'll get right to the funny jokes.
Top 5 Valentine (Or Love / Marriage) Quotes
- "The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead." ~Ann Landers
- "I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste." ~David Bissonnette
- "It's better to have loved and lost than to do forty pounds of laundry a week." ~Laurence J. Peter
- "Women are cursed, and men are the proof." ~Rosanne Barr
- "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house." ~Groucho Marx
Top 5 (Lame) Question and Answer Valentine Jokes
Q: What is a ram's favourite song on February 14th?
A: I only have eyes for ewe!
Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day?
Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope?
A: I'm stuck on you!
Q: What did the light bulb say to the switch?
A: You turn me on.
A group of 45 year old guys discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally they agree to meet at the Kelley's Restaurant because the waitresses have low cut blouses and nice proportions.
10 years later at age 55, the group agrees to meet at Kelley's because the food is good and the wine selection is excellent.
10 years later at age 65, the group agrees to meet at Kelley's because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free.
10 years later at age 75, the group agrees to meet at Kelley's because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they have an elevator.
10 years later at age 85, the group agrees to meet at Kelley's because they have never been there before.
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much lea...
G eorge B ush goes to a primary school to talk about the war. After his talk he offers question time. One little boy puts up his hand and ...
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some people just don't have film. He who laughs last, thinks slowest. A day without sunshine is...
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Hey! Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet....
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have thei...
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE . "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished clea...
After months of gentle urging from his wife, a man finally had to admit he needed a hearing aid. The audiologist confirmed it. "How...
1. Never ask a woman if she wants to have sex by asking her if she wants to have sex. 2. It is more important to have good health insuranc...
Who says today’s kids aren’t smart? Well, some of them are! I wish I’d thought of this ... At a high school in Montana a group of stu...
The maker doesn't want it; the buyer doesn't use it; and the user doesn't even see it. What is it? Answer Coffin Ther...