Friday, September 30, 2011

Who Rule The Web ?

You Wouldn't Have Known These Abbreviations

  1. MOPED is the short term for 'Motorized Pedaling'.
  2. POP MUSIC is 'Popular Music' shortened.
  3. BUS is the short term for 'Omnibus' that means everybody.
  4. FORTNIGHT comes from 'Fourteen Nights' (Two Weeks).
  5. DRAWING ROOM was actually a 'withdrawing room' where people withdrew after Dinner. Later the prefix 'with' was dropped..
  6. NEWS refers to information from Four directions N, E, W and S..
  7. AG-MARK, which some products bear, stems from 'Agricultural Marketing'.
  8. JOURNAL is a diary that tells about 'Journey for a day' during each Day's business.
  9. QUEUE comes from 'Queen's Quest'. Long back a long row of people as waiting to see the Queen. Someone made the comment Queen's Quest..
  10. TIPS come from 'To Insure Prompt Service'. In olden days to get Prompt service from servants in an inn, travelers used to drop coins in a Box on which was written 'To Insure Prompt Service'. This gave rise to the custom of Tips.
  11. JEEP is a vehicle with unique Gear system. It was invented during World War II (1939-1945). It was named 'General Purpose Vehicle (GP)'.GP was changed into JEEP later.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Funny Signs

Hideous Woman

Two men were talking at a party, and one said, “Look at that awful-looking woman over there… isn’t she hideous? I think she must be the most unattractive woman I’ve ever seen in my life!”

“That happens to be my wife!” said the second icily.

“Oh dear,” said the first, covered in confusion, “I’m so sorry.”

To which the unfortunate man replied, “YOU’RE sorry…?”

Sunday, September 25, 2011

$2 Hearing Aid

After months of gentle urging from his wife, a man finally had to admit he needed a hearing aid.

The audiologist confirmed it. "How much do they cost?" he asked her.

"As you might expect," she said, "There's quite a wide range. They run from $2.00 to $2,000."

"Wow, the low end is lower than I would have ever guessed!" he said. "Let's see the $2.00 model."

The woman gave a knowing nod, and pulled it out of the closest drawer. "You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down to your pocket," she said.

"How does it work?" the man asked.

"Oh now, come on! For $2.00 it doesn't work!" she said.

"I don't understand," the man said, but the woman had heard that before.

"When people see it on you," she said, "they know to talk louder."

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

A Dash Of Humor


Woman: "Doctor, for the last eight months, my husband has thought that he's a lawnmower."

Doctor: "That's terrible, why didn't you bring him in sooner?"

Woman: "Because the neighbor just returned him this morning."

Sunday, September 18, 2011

Personality Test

There is a very, very tall coconut tree and there are 4 animals, a Tiger, an Elephant, a Giraffe, and a Squirrel, who pass by. They decide to compete to see who is the fastest to get an apple off the tree.

Who do you think will win?

Your answer reflects your personality.

Time Limit: 30 seconds

Got your answer?

Now go down to see the analysis.

If your answer is:

Tiger = you’re dull.

Elephant = your’e silly.

Giraffe = you’re acting like an idiot.

Squirrel = you’re showing stupidity.

A COCONUT tree doesn’t have apples. 

Friday, September 16, 2011

What They Don't Teach You At Harvard

Two gentleman walked into the men's locker room at their prestigious country club; one was wearing a Harvard jacket, the other a Yale pullover.

After taking a leak, the Harvard man stopped to wash his hands--while the Yale man walked towards the door.

The Harvard man looked at the Yale man disapprovingly. "At Harvard, we take care to wash our hands after using the lavatory."

"Well," the Yale man replied, "at Yale, we know not to piss on our hands."

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

What Women Do After An Accident ?

What is the first thing that WOMEN do after a bad car accident?

Turn off the ignition?

Get away from the car in case it explodes?

Call 911 on her cell phone?

Call ambulance??????


Fire! Fire! Fire!

"A painter, whitewashing the inner walls of a country outhouse, had the misfortune to fall through the opening and land in the muck at the bottom.

He shouted, "Fire! Fire! Fire!" at the top of his lungs.

The local fire department responded with alacrity, sirens roaring as they approached the privy. "Where's the fire?" called the chief.

"No fire," replied the painter as they pulled him out of the hole. "But if I had yelled, 'Shit! Shit! Shit!' who would have rescued me?""

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Be Polite

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: '

Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to... the bathroom?'

Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'

The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be rude and impolite'. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'

Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.

' 'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.

And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?'

Johnny said: 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.'

The teacher was speechless and fainted

Sunday, September 11, 2011

I Am Loosing My Head

10 Reasons Why TV Is Better Than The Internet

  1. It doesn't take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels.
  2. When was the last time you tuned in to "Melrose Place" and got a "Not Found 404" message?
  3. There are fewer grating color schemes on TV -- even on MTV.
  4. The family never argues over which Web site to visit this evening.
  5. A remote control has fewer buttons than a keyboard.
  6. Even the worst TV shows never excuse themselves with an "Under Construction" sign.
  7. Seinfeld never slows down when a lot of people tune in.
  8. You just can't find those cool Health Rider infomercials on the Web.
  9. Set-top boxes don't beep and whine when you hook up to HBO.
  10. You can't surf the Web from a couch with a beer in one hand and Doritos in the other.

Funny Pictures Of The Day

Saturday, September 10, 2011

9th Hole

A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home.

Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone.

Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gent to join him.

To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time.

Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball, directly between his ball and the green.

After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree."

With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.

The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only 3 feet tall."

Friday, September 9, 2011

Everything Is Big In Texas

There once was a blind man who decided to visit Texas.

When he arrived on the plane, he felt the seats and said, "Wow, these seats are big!" The person next to him answered, "Everything is big in Texas."

When he finally arrived in Texas, he decided to visit a bar. Upon arriving in the bar, he ordered a beer and got a mug placed between his hands. He exclaimed, "Wow these mugs are big!" The bartender replied, "Everything is big in Texas."

After a couple of beers, the blind man asked the bartender where the bathroom was located. The bartender replied, "Second door to the right." The blind man headed for the bathroom, but accidentally tripped over and skipped the second door. Instead, he entered the third door, which lead to the swimming pool and fell into the pool by accident. Scared to death, the blind man started shouting, "Don't flush, don't flush!"

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