- The first 90% of project takes 90% of the time, the last 10% takes the other 90% of the time.
- If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights.
- A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the butt.
- Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
- It doesn't matter what you do, it only matters what you say you've done and what you're going to do.
- After any salary raise, you will have less money at the end of the month than you did before.
- The more crap you put up with, the more crap you are going to get.
- You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
- Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you the rest of the day.
- When the bosses talk about improving productivity, they are never talking about themselves.
- If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a fool about it.
- There will always be beer cans rolling on the floor of your car when the boss asks for a ride home from the office.
- Keep your boss's boss off your boss's back.
- Arriving to work early sets an expectation that your less ambitious co-workers will not appreciate.
- Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."
- Never delay the ending of a meeting or the beginning of a cocktail hour.
- To err is human, to forgive is not a part of company policy.
- Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she is supposed to be doing.
- Important letters that contain no errors will develop errors in the mail.
- If you are good, you will be assigned all the work. If you are really good, you will get out of it.
- You are always doing something frivolous when the boss drops by your desk.
- The people chosen to go to conferences are always the party animals with no intention of learning a thing.
- If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would ever get done.
- At work, the authority of a person is inversely proportional to the number of pens that person is carrying.
- When you don't know what to do, walk fast and look worried.
- Following the rules will not get the job done.
- Getting the job done is no excuse for not following the rules.
- When confronted by a difficult problem, you can solve it more easily by reducing it to the question, "How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"
- No matter how much you do, you never do enough, let alone too much.
- The last person that quit or was fired will be blamed for everything that goes wrong.
BOY : May I hold your hand? GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me! BOY : You love me... GIRL : If w...
1. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either. 2. I ...
According to a news report, a certain private school in Victoria, BC recently was faced with a unique problem. A number of year 12 girls we...
I'd really love to, but... I have to floss my cat. I've dedicated my life to linguini. I want to spend more ...
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and p...
Albert Einstein is best mind known to human. He was the most Intellectual person ever. But still he had a funny side to him. Following are s...
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE . "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished clea...
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much lea...