Lost Productive Time

Your Company
1 Bad Place
Nowhere, USA
To All Employees:

It has come to our attention recently that many of you have been turning in timesheets that specify large amounts of "Miscellaneous Unproductive Time" (Code 5309). To our department, unproductive time isn't a problem. What is a problem, however, is not knowing exactly what you are doing during your unproductive time. Attached below is a sheet specifying a tentative extended job code list based on our observations of employee activities. 

The list will allow you to specify with a fair amount of precision what you are doing during your unproductive time. Please begin using this job code list immediately and let us know about any difficulties you encounter.

Thank you,
Accounting.
Attached: Extended Job Code List

CodeExplanation
5316Useless meeting
5317Obstructing communications at meeting
5318Trying to sound knowledgeable while in meeting
5319Waiting for break
5320Waiting for lunch
5321Waiting for end of day
5322Vicious verbal attacks directed at coworker
5323Vicious verbal attacks directed at coworker while coworker is not present
5393Covering for incompetence of coworker friend
5394Blaming incompetence of coworker who is not a friend
5400Trying to explain concept to coworker who is not interested in learning
5401Trying to explain concept to coworker who is stupid
5402Trying to explain concept to coworker who hates you
5403Explaining concept to clueless management
5481Buying snack
5482Eating snack
5500Filling out timesheet
5501Inventing timesheet entries
5502Waiting for something to happen
5503Scratching yourself
5504Sleeping
5505Pointless filler work
5506Initialing checklist of pointless filler work
5510Feeling bored
5600Complaining about lousy job
5601Complaining about low pay
5602Complaining about long hours
5603Complaining about coworker (see codes #5322 & #5323)
5604Complaining about boss
5605Complaining about personal problems
5640Miscellaneous unproductive complaining
5701Not actually present at job
5702Suffering from eight-hour flu
6102Ordering out
6103Waiting for food delivery to arrive
6104Taking it easy while digesting food
6150 Using company resources for personal profit
6200Talking with neighbor on phone
6201Talking with police on the phone
6202 Making excuses after accidentally destroying company files
6203Using company phone to make long-distance personal calls
6204Using company phone to make long-distance personal calls to sell stolen company goods
6205 Hiding from boss
6206 Gossip
6207Planning a social event (e.g. Vacation, wedding, etc.)
6210Feeling sorry for yourself
6211Updating resume
6212Faxing resume to another employer/headhunter
6213Out of office on interview
6221Pretending to work while boss is watching 
6222Pretending to enjoy your job
6223Pretending you like coworker
6224Pretending you like important people when in reality they are jerks
6238Miscellaneous unproductive fantasizing
6350 Playing pranks on the new guy/girl
6601 Running your own business on company time (see code #6603)
6602Complaining
6603 Writing a book on company time
6611 Staring into space
6612 Staring at computer screen
6615 Transcendental meditation
7281 Extended visit to the bathroom (at least 10 minutes)
7400Talking with your/spouse's divorce lawyer on phone
7401 Talking with plumber on phone
7402 Talking with dentist on phone
7403 Talking with doctor on phone
7404 Talking with masseuse on phone
7405 Talking with house painter on phone
7406Talking with personal therapist on phone

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