Mercedes Ass Class


Pull Buddy Pull

An out-of-towner drove his car into a ditch in a desolated area. Luckily, a local farmer came to help with his big strong horse named Buddy.

He hitched Buddy up to the car and yelled, "Pull, Nellie, pull!" Buddy didn't move.

Then the farmer hollered, "Pull, Buster, pull!" Buddy didn't respond.

Once more the farmer commanded, "Pull, Coco, pull!" Nothing.

Then the farmer nonchalantly said, "Pull, Buddy, pull!" And the horse easily dragged the car out of the ditch.

The motorist was most appreciative and very curious. He asked the farmer why he called his horse by the wrong name three times.

"Well... Buddy is blind and if he thought he was the only one pulling, he wouldn't even try!"

No Parking Inside


Beautiful and Cute

My husband was just coming out of anesthesia after a series of tests in the hospital, and I was sitting at his bedside. His eyes fluttered open, and he murmured, "You`re beautiful."

Flattered, I continued my vigil while he drifted back to sleep. Later he woke up and said, "You`re cute."

"What happened to `beautiful`?" I asked him.

"The drugs are wearing off," he replied.

Funny Quotes About Age


“The secret to staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.”
- Lucille Ball

“Anyone who stops learning is old, whether at twenty or eighty. Anyone who keeps learning stays young. The greatest thing in life is to keep your mind young.”
- Henry Ford

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.”
- George Bernard Shaw

“Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.”
- Mark Twain

“No one is so old as those who have outlived enthusiasm.”
- Henry David Thoreau

“Forty is the old age of youth; fifty is the youth of old age.”
- Victor Hugo

“The old believe everything: the middle-aged suspect everything: the young know everything.”
- Oscar Wilde

“Life’s tragedy is that we get old too soon and wise too late.”
- Benjamin Franklin

“Middle age is when you’re sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn’t for you.”
- Ogden Nash

“You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.”
- Bob Hope

Humor In Picture






Not Healthy To Eat Candy


One fine afternoon a gentleman was walking down the street; and as he came around the corner he spotted a young boy sitting in front of the local candy shop.

As he approached, he realized it was his neighbor's kid - Little Johnny.

The boy was shoving sweet tarts and chocolate bars down his throat as fast as possible, so much that it prompted the man to offer some advice: "You know, Johnny, it's not healthy to eat all that candy."

Little Johnny looks up at him and quickly retorts "You know, my grampa lived to be 96 years old."

"Oh," the man replied, "did he eat lots of candy?"

"Nope," retorted Little Johnny, "But he did mind his own damn business!"

Cheap Husband

After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a $50.00 bottle.

"That's a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00.

"That's still quite a bit," Tim complained.

Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle. "What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see something really cheap."

The clerk handed him a mirror.

A Cop's Testimony


If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility...

Q: "Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?"
A: " No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away."


Q: "Officer -- who provided this description?"
A: "The officer who responded to the scene."


Q: "A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?"
A: "Yes, sir . With my life."


Q: "With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?"
A: "Yes sir, we do!"

Q: "And do you have a locker in the room?"
A: "Yes sir, I do."

Q: "And do you have a lock on your locker?"
A: "Yes sir."

Q: "Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?"
A: "You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room."

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