- Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. --Catherine Zandonella
- Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.
- I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
- A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
- Beauty lies in the hands of the beerholder.
- Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink. --Lady Astor to Winston Churchill. His reply -- Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it.
- Work is the curse of the drinking classes. --Oscar Wilde
- When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. --Henny Youngman
- Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.
- 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
- Beer is good food.
- It's better to have a beer in hand than gas in tank.
- Life is too short to drink cheap beer.
- Beer - it's not just for breakfast anymore.
- Beer - Nature's laxative.
- Beer. If you can't taste it, why bother!
- When I heated my home with oil, I used an average of 800 gallons a year. I have found that I can keep comfortably warm for an entire winter with slightly over half that quantity of beer. --Postpetroleum Guzzler, Dave Barry
- Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. --Dave Barry's Bad Habit's, Dave Barry
- Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer. --Dave Barry
- My problem with most althletic challenges is training. I'm lazy and find that workouts cut into my drinking time. --A Wolverine is Eating My Leg
- The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind. --Humphrey Bogart
- Friends don't let friends drink Light Beer.
- Adhere to Schweinheitsgebot. Don't put anything in your beer that a pig wouldn't eat. --David Geary
- Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine. --David Moulton
- People who drink light "beer" don't like the taste of beer; they just like to pee a lot. --Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI
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