- I don't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
- Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, "Where is the ceiling?!"
- Just because you're smart does not mean that the other guy is stupid.
- Indecision is the key to flexibility.
- Inflexibility is the hallmark of the Tiny Mind.
- Time is Nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at once.
- If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
- The trouble with being in the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
- The more you run over a dead cat, the flatter it gets. This is great info!
- I get plenty of exercise -- jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines.
- On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
- The Truth is Out There. So what are you doing here?!
- I have not yet begun to procrastinate.
- I don't suffer from stress. I'm a carrier.
- There are two rules for ultimate success in life. (1) Never tell everything you know.
- Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they're NOT out to get you...
- When I get to where I'm going, will somebody please tell me where I am?
- Tell me what you need, and I'll tell you how to get along without it.
- Do not meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.
- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
- Someday we'll look back on all this and plow into a parked car.
BOY : May I hold your hand? GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me! BOY : You love me... GIRL : If w...
1. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either. 2. I ...
1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out. 2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. 3. Going to church doesn...
Albert Einstein is best mind known to human. He was the most Intellectual person ever. But still he had a funny side to him. Following are s...
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much lea...
I'd really love to, but... I have to floss my cat. I've dedicated my life to linguini. I want to spend more ...
“I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate Amer...
There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot. Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in...