Being Sarcastic

  • I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
  • I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
  • Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
  • If I throw a stick, will you leave?
  • You!... Off my planet!
  • Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
  • Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
  • Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
  • See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
  • I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
  • A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
  • Stress is when you wake up screaming & realize you haven't fallen asleep
  • I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
  • Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
  • Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.
  • Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
  • Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
  • I plead contemporary insanity.
  • How about never? Is never good for you?
  • I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
  • Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
  • I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
  • Ahhh...I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again...
  • I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
  • The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist
  • I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
  • Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
  • I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
  • I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
  • Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
  • It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
  • Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
  • No, my powers can only be used for good.
  • I'm really easy to get along with once you learn to worship me.
  • You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication
  • Are you a fucking ray of sunshine every day?
  • I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
  • I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
  • I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
  • Who me? I just wander from room to room.
  • It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
  • At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.

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