- I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.
- I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
- Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
- If I throw a stick, will you leave?
- You!... Off my planet!
- Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
- Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
- Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
- See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
- I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
- A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
- Stress is when you wake up screaming & realize you haven't fallen asleep
- I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
- Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
- Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.
- Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
- Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.
- I plead contemporary insanity.
- How about never? Is never good for you?
- I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
- Someday, we'll look back on this, laugh nervously and change the subject.
- I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
- Ahhh...I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again...
- I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
- The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist
- I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.
- Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
- I like you. You remind me of when I was young and stupid.
- I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
- Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
- It's a thankless job, but I've got a lot of Karma to burn off.
- Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
- No, my powers can only be used for good.
- I'm really easy to get along with once you learn to worship me.
- You sound reasonable...Time to up my medication
- Are you a fucking ray of sunshine every day?
- I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
- I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message...
- I don't work here. I'm a consultant.
- Who me? I just wander from room to room.
- It might look like I'm doing nothing, but at the cellular level I'm really quite busy.
- At least I have a positive attitude about my destructive habits.
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Or else get a proper crack :)