- You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
- The Blue Book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
- You’ve been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
- You think a woman who is out of your league bowls on a different night..
- You wonder how service stations keep their rest-rooms so clean.
- Someone in your family died right after saying ‘Hey, guys, watch this’.
- You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
- Your wife’s hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
- Your junior prom offered day care.
- You think the last words of the Star-Spangled Banner are ‘Gentlemen, start your engines’.
- You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
- The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
- You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
- One of your kids was born on a pool table.
- You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
- You can’t get married to your sweetheart because there’s a law against it.
- You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
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