TedsWoodworking Plans and Projects

Friday, April 26, 2013

Passengers On A Bus


A very thin bus passenger resented the other man on the seat, who was so stout that he overflowed in all directions. “They ought to charge by weight,” the thin man muttered. “If they did,” retorted the stout one, “you’d have to walk they couldn't afford to stop for you.”

How Business Is Done


Father: "I want you to marry a girl of my choice."
Son: "I will choose my own bride!"
Father: "But the girl is Bill Gates's daughter."
Son : "Well, in that case... ok."

Next, Father approaches Bill Gates.
Father: "I have a husband for your daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too young to marry!"
Father: "But this young man is a vice-president of the World Bank."
Bill Gates: "Ah, in that case... ok."

Finally Father goes to see the president of the World Bank.
Father: "I have a young man to be recommended as a vice-president."
President: "But I already have more vice- presidents than I need!"
Father: "But this young man is Bill Gates's son-in-law."
President: "Ah, in that case... ok."

Friday, April 19, 2013

Psychology Student Vs Law Student

A guy asked a girl in a library, "Do you mind if I sit beside you?"

The girl answered with a loud voice, "I DON'T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!!!"

All the students in the library started staring at the guy, and he was embarrassed.

After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and she told him,

"I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?"

The guy responded with a loud voice, "$200 JUST FOR ONE NIGHT!? THAT'S TOO MUCH!!!"

And all the people in the library looked at the girl in shock, and the guy whispered in her ear,

"I study law, and I know how to make someone feel guilty."

Monday, April 15, 2013

Always let Your Boss Have the First Say



A sales representative , an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.

They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish”

“Me first! Me first!” says the administration clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone.

“Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii,relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone.

“OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”

Troubled Computer User

Dear Techical Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0.

I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity.

Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6 no longer run, crashing the system whenever selected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications.

I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks,
A Troubled User

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