Sunday, June 30, 2013

Saturday, June 29, 2013

Over Speeding ?

Judge: Whats the proof that u were not Over speeding?
Man: My Lord, I was going to my in-laws place to bring my wife back.

Judge: Case dismissed.

Out Of Office Reply

Friday, June 28, 2013

Real Experiment

A druggist told a doctor friend that he has at last discovered one very good use of mother – in – law.
The doctor friend asked what it was?
Druggist replied, “To try newly discovered medicines on them before these are marketed for common human use”.

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Wedding Dress Joke

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "why is the bride dressed in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness," her mother explained.
"And today is the happiest day in her life." The child thought about this for a moment.
"So why is the groom wearing black?"

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

5 Nice Little Stories

Once, all villagers decided to pray for rain, on the day of prayer all  the People gathered but only one boy came with an umbrella.

. . . . .
When you throw a baby in the air, she laughs because she knows you will catch her.

. . . . .
Every night we go to bed, without any assurance of being alive the next Morning but still we set the alarms to wake up.

. . . . .
We plan big things for tomorrow in spite of zero knowledge of the future.

. . . . .
We see the world suffering.... But still we get married !!!

Monday, June 24, 2013

Quack, Quack, Quack

One day three teenage girls were driving along when they had a terrible accident. They were all sent to heaven. At the gates, they met St. Peter.
He said to them, "Welcome to Heaven. There is only one rule here, don't step on the ducks, don't bother them, just leave them alone. If you do bother them in any way you will be handcuffed to the ugliest person in Heaven for all eternity."
The first teen thought that this was rather funny and in all her laughter stepped back almost falling over. "QUACK!"
She had stepped on a duck and so she was handcuffed to the ugliest person in heaven. The other two teens walked around Heaven constantly torturing their unlucky friend. As fate would have it the second teen stepped on a duck also.
She was handcuffed to the second ugliest person in Heaven. The two girls sat moping at the fact that they were chained to these people for eternity.
The next day they saw the third teen, she was handcuffed to the most gorgeous guy they had ever seen.
She looked at them, realizing their questioning eyes, and said, "He stepped on a duck."

Friday, June 21, 2013

Speak Cautiously

A curious child asked his mother: “Mommy, why are some of your hairs turning Grey?”

The mother tried to use this occasion to teach her child: “It is because of you, dear. Every bad action of yours will turn one of my hair Grey!”

The child replied innocently: “Now I know why grandmother has only Grey hairs on her head.

Cool Oneliners

1. Money is not everything. There's also MasterCard & Visa.
2. One should love animals. They are tasty too.
3. Save water. Drink on the rocks.
4. Fruits/Salads are healthy. So leave it for sick.
5. Books are holy. So don't touch them.
6. Don't shout in the class. It disturbs those who are sleeping.
7. Love thy neighbour. But don't get caught.
8. Hard work never killed anyone, but why take the chance.
9. Why do something today when it can be done tomorrow. By someone else.
10. Every one should marry because happiness is not the only thing in life.

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Nice Explanation

A boy goes to his mother one day with a puzzled look on his face.
"Say Mom, why is my bigger brother named Mighty Storm"?
"Because he was conceived during a mighty storm", she said.
Then he asked, "Why is my sister named Cornflower"?
"Well your father and I were in a cornfield when we made her", she replied.
He then asked "And why is my other sister called Moonchild"?
"We were watching the moon-landing when she was conceived", the mother replies.
The mother paused and said to her son... "Tell me, Torn Rubber, why are you so curious"

Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Feel The Difference

2 Woman friends chatting in office
Woman 1: I had a fine evening, how was yours?
Woman 2: It was a disaster. My husband came home, ate his dinner in 3 mins & fell asleep in 2 mins. How was yours?
Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out for a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house. It was like a fairy tale!

At the same time, their husbands are talking at work Husband 1: How was your evening?
Husband 2: Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, I ate & fell asleep. What about you?
Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner, they cut the electricity because I forgot to pay the bill; so I took her out for dinner which was so expensive that didn't have money left for a cab.We walked home which took an hour & when we got home remember there was no electricity so I had to light candles all over the house!

Monday, June 10, 2013

Playing Smart

A Prof and Akpors was seating next to each other in a long flight.
Prof said to Akpors lets play a game, I will ask you a question and if you didn't get the answer, you will pay me $50, and if u ask me a question and I didn't get the answer, I will pay you $5000.
The Prof started : What is the distance from the earth to the moon ? Akpors doesn't say a word, he reaches his pocket and pulled out a $50 and gave him. Now it's akpors turn to ask.
He said : what goes up in the hill with 3 legs and comes down with 5 legs ?
The Prof thought for a long time, searches the net, and asked all his smart friends but couldn't get the answer.
He reaches his pocket and pulled out a $5000 and gave it akpors.
Prof got mad and asked Akpors : well, what the hell goes up the hill with 3legs and comes down with 5 legs ?.
Akpors just deep his hand into his pocket and gave Prof $50 and said : I also don't know.

Friday, June 7, 2013

No Cheating

Three turtle decided to go to picnic. they manage every thing and start their journey, and when they reached the picnic spot they realise that they have forgotten the soda.
The oldest turtle said who would go to home and bring soda? The young one said, " i will go if you all didn't eat the sandwiches until i get back."
The youngest turtle goes but a week went by, then a month, finally an year, when two turtle said "oh, come on let's eat the sandwiches, now he won't come".
suddenly the little turtle popped up from the rock and said, " if you do, i won't go!"

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

Clean Celebrity Joke

A kid was sitting on his lawn with a box of puppies one morning. George Bush was on his morning run, accompanied by some Secret Service workers. Dubya asked the boy what kind of puppies were in the box. The little boy said, "Republicans." The President beamed, patted the boy on the head, and said, "Thatta boy!"
A few weeks later Bush was jogging again, this time with Dick Cheney in tow.
Bush stopped at the boy's house, winked at Dick and said, "Hey kid, what kind of puppies are in the box? The boy said, "Democrats" Bush looked crushed, saying, "What happened? A few weeks ago they were Republicans!"
The boy said, "Well, the puppies opened their eyes."

Monday, June 3, 2013

Blonde in a Police Department

A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer wants to ask her a few questions....
Officer : What's 2+2 ?
Blonde : Ummmmm... 4!
Officer : What's the square root of 100 ?
Blonde : Ummmm.... 10!
Officer : Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln ?
Blonde : Ummmm... I dunno.
Officer : Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.
The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got the job.
The blonde says, excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working on a murder case! "

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