If At First I don't succeed, There Is Always Next Year.

  1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.
  2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.
  3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.
  4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them.
  5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.
  6. I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.
  7. I shall never forget that the probability of a miracle, though infinitesimally small, is not exactly zero.
  8. If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year.
  9. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
  10. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.
  11. I obey the law of inverse excuses which demands that the greater the task to be done, the more insignificant the work that must be done prior to beginning the greater task.
  12. I know that the work cycle is not plan/start/finish, but is wait/plan/plan.
  13. I will never put off until tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.
  14. I will become a member of the ancient Order of Two-Headed Turtles (the Procrastinator's Society) if they ever get it organized.

Too Close To TV


All You Need Is A Little Motivation

An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son-in-law, a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.

As he was about to get the anesthesia, he asked to speak to his son-in-law. 'Yes, Dad, what is it?'

'Don't be nervous son; do your best and just remember, if it doesn't go well...... if something happens to me, your mother in law is going to come and live with you.'

The surgery was a great success.

Stratergy For Exams


Yeah .. knowing syllabus is not important....

Scanning For Virus



Famous Quotes

History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives. -Abba Eban

How many legs does a dog have - if you call the tail a leg? Four. Calling a tail a leg doesn’t make it a leg. -Abraham Lincoln

Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will take you everywhere. -Albert Einstein

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity. -Ellen Parr

Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege. -Unknown

When you sit with a nice girl for two hours, you think it’s only a minute. But when you sit on a hot stove for a minute, you think it’s two hours. That’s relativity. -Albert Einstein

It is easier to fight for one’s principles than to live up to them. -Alfred Adler

Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. -Ambrose Bierce

All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident. -Arthur Schopenhauer

Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment. -Barry LePatner

What happens to the hole when the cheese is gone? -Bertolt Brecht

Some people make things happen, some people watch things happen, and some ask what happened. -Casey Stengel

If you can’t be a good example, then you’ll just have to be a horrible warning. -Catherine Aird

A clever person solves a problem. A wise person avoids it. -Albert Einstein

By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong. -Charles Wadsworth

One dog barks at something. And a hundred dogs bark at the sound. -Chinese Proverb

A committee can make a decision that is dumber than any of its members. -David Cobitz

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. -Dudley Moore

Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. -Franklin P. Jones

Are people more violently opposed to fur rather than leather because its much easier to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs? -George Carlin

My Grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle. -Henny Youngman

No matter what side of the argument you are on, you always find people on your side that you wish were on the other. -Jascha Heifetz

If it weren’t for my lawyer, I’d still be in prison. It went a lot faster with two people digging. -Joe Martin

The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable. -John Kenneth Galbraith

What we think, or what we know, or what we believe is, in the end, of little consequence. The only consequence is what we do. -John Ruskin

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific. -Lily Tomlin

If everything’s under control, you’re going too slow. -Mario Andretti

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug. -Mark Twain

I’ve gone into hundreds of [fortune-teller's parlors], and have been told thousands of things, but nobody ever told me I was a policewoman getting ready to arrest her. -New York City detective

Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not, and a sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is. -Oscar Wilde

O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet. -Saint Augustine

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. -Sam Levenson

I have such a high regard for the truth that I use it sparingly. -Timothy Connor

Tell a man there are 300 Billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch to be sure. -Unknown Author

It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend. -William Blake

Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm. -Winston Churchill

Never believe anything until it has been officially denied. -Claud Cockburn

It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer. -Albert Einstein

If you don’t make mistakes, you’re not working on hard enough problems. And that’s a big mistake. -Frank Wilczek

It's what you learn after you know it all that counts. -John Wooden

How T-Shirts Are Priced


Good Things About Getting Older

  1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
  2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
  3. No one expects you to run -- anywhere.
  4. People call at 9:00 p.m. and don't think it's strange to ask, "Did I wake you?"
  5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
  6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
  7. Things you buy now won't wear out!
  8. You can live without sex (but not your glasses).
  9. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
  10. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
  11. Your eyes won't get much worse.
  12. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
  13. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Service.
  14. Your secrets are safe with your friends (because they can't remember them either).
  15. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.

Chinese Joke Of The Year


朣楢琴执㝧执瑩浻牡楧㩮㔱硰执㝧执獧浻牡楧敬瑦瀰絸朣杢㑳执獧扻捡杫潲湵潣潬㩲昣昸昸㬸慢正牧畯摮椭慭敧敷止瑩札慲楤湥楬敮牡氬晥⁴潴敬瑦戠瑯潴牦浯㡦㡦㡦潴捥捥捥戻捡杫潲湵浩条㩥眭扥楫楬敮牡札慲楤湥潴昣昸昸攣散散戻捡杫潲湵浩条㩥洭穯氭湩慥牧摡敩瑮琨灯㡦㡦㡦捥捥捥㬩慢正牧畯摮椭慭敧獭氭湩慥牧摡敩瑮琨灯㡦㡦㡦捥捥捥㬩慢正牧畯摮椭慭敧楬敮牡札慲楤湥潴昣昸昸攣散散戻捡杫潲湵浩条㩥楬敮牡札慲楤湥潴昣昸昸攣散散汩整㩲牰杯摩䐺䥘慭敧牔湡晳牯楍牣獯景牧摡敩瑮猨慴瑲潃潬卲牴昣昸昸䔬摮潃潬卲牴攣散散㬩潢摲牥硰猠汯摩⌠㙣㙣㙣搻獩汰祡戺潬正潭潢摲牥爭摡畩㩳瀲㭸漭戭牯敤慲楤獵㈺硰敷止瑩戭牯敤慲楤獵㈺硰戻牯敤慲楤獵㈺硰执獧搴摻獩汰祡戺潬正瀻獯瑩潩㩮敲慬楴敶执獧搴筮楤灳慬㩹湩楬敮戭潬正漻敶晲潬



Too good...

This Is Unique


Best Friends


Honesty

A man robs a bank and takes hostages. He asks the first hostage, "Did you see me rob the bank?"

The hostage answers "Yes". The robber promptly shoots him in the head.

Then he asks the second hostage if he saw him rob the bank.

The hostage answers, "No, but my wife did".

Proud Fathers

These 4 gents go out to play golf one sunny morning.

One is detained in the clubhouse, and the other three are discussing their children while walking to the first tee.

"My son Kent," says one, "has made quite a name for himself in the home-building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He's so successful in fact, in the last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift."

The second man, no to be out done, tells how his son began his career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership. "Norm's so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave his friend two brand new cars as a gift."

The third man's son, Greg, has worked his way up through a stock brokerage, and in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift.

As the fourth man arrives at the tee, another tells him that they have been discussing their progeny and asks what line his son is in.

"To tell the truth, I'm not very pleased with how my son turned out," he replies. "For 15 years, Chico's been a hairdresser, and I've just recently discovered he's gay. However, on the bright side, he must be good at what he does because his last three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two cars, and a big pile of stock certificates."

I Hate Everybody

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