- I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.
- I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.
- I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.
- I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them.
- I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.
- I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given.
- I shall never forget that the probability of a miracle, though infinitesimally small, is not exactly zero.
- If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year.
- I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind.
- I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it.
- I obey the law of inverse excuses which demands that the greater the task to be done, the more insignificant the work that must be done prior to beginning the greater task.
- I know that the work cycle is not plan/start/finish, but is wait/plan/plan.
- I will never put off until tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.
- I will become a member of the ancient Order of Two-Headed Turtles (the Procrastinator's Society) if they ever get it organized.
DEMOCRATIC You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. Barbara Streisand sings for you. REPUBLICAN ...
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much lea...
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have thei...
A man owned a small farm in Norfolk. The Department of wages claimed he was not paying proper wages to his staff and se...
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Hey! Wanna hear a blonde joke?" The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet....
An older gentleman had an appointment to see the urologist who Shared offices with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with p...
After months of gentle urging from his wife, a man finally had to admit he needed a hearing aid. The audiologist confirmed it. "How...
The maker doesn't want it; the buyer doesn't use it; and the user doesn't even see it. What is it? Answer Coffin Ther...
1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE . "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished clea...
Who says today’s kids aren’t smart? Well, some of them are! I wish I’d thought of this ... At a high school in Montana a group of stu...