You Caught My Eye

At a hotel restaurant, a man sees an attractive woman sitting alone at the next table.

Suddenly, she sneezes, and a glass eye comes flying out of her eye socket. It hurls by the man, and he snatches it from the air and hands it back to her.

"This is so embarrassing," the woman says, and she pops her eye back in place. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Let me buy dinner to make it up to you. May I join you?" He nods.

The woman is a stimulating conversationalist, stunningly pretty, and the man finds they have a lot in common. He gets her phone number and asks, "You are the most charming woman I've ever encountered. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No," she replies. "You just happened to catch my eye."

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Its Tough Being Irish

"What's your name?", asked the teacher.
"Mohammad," he replied.

"You're in Ireland now," replied the teacher, "So from now on you will be known as Mike.
" Mohammad returned home after school.

"How was your day, Mohammad?", his mother asked.
"My name is not Mohammad. I'm in Ireland and now my name is Mike”.

"Are you ashamed of your name? Are you trying to dishonor your parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you!"
And his mother beat the shit out of him. Then she called his father, who beat the shit out of him again.

The next day Mohammad returned to school. The teacher saw all of his fresh bruises.
"What happened to you, Mike?", she asked.
"Well shortly after becoming an Irishman, I was attacked by two fucking Arabs."

Please stop, please... stop it!

There's a rabbi in a taxi, going through the city for a meeting. Everything is fine, the driver is nice and all. Suddenly, as they're waiting for the green light, a gang of big black guys shows up, armed with baseball bats and stuff. 

They start hitting the car, break the lights, get the driver out and kick him. The rabbi is really scared and screams: "Please stop, please... stop it!"

Then another gang shows up, Mexicans this time, even bigger than the black dudes. They fight the black guys, destroy them, then turn to the taxi and the driver, and wreck both of them. The driver is nearly dead, blood everywhere. The cab is smoking, windows broken... And the rabbi is still really, really scared. He continues screaming: "Please stop, please... stop it!"

Then the police shows up, shoot the Mexicans, handcuff the survivors, call an ambulance for the driver and try to patch him up. The rabbi is still in the car, and seems more and more scared. He's still screaming: "Please stop, please... stop it!"

A policeman helps him out, and sees the terror on his face. "Calm down, we saved you, everything is alright," he says. "Please stop, please... stop it!" continues the rabbi. 

The policeman tries to reassure him. "It's gonna be alright, you're safe!" "Please stop, please... stop it!" 

The policeman gets a bit angry "Look, you're safe, you need to calm down!" The rabbi then looks at the taxi, his eyes filled with terror. "Please stop, please... stop the meter!"

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