Teacher Students Homework Comedy

A teacher was reviewing her class's homework assignment.

She asked Susie to stand up and tell the class what part of the human body enlarges to seven times its original size when stimulated. Susie stood up, shuffled her feet and said, "Well, I think I know, but I'm too embarrassed to tell you." The teacher said, "Sit down, Susie. Johnny, tell the class what part of the human body enlarges to seven times its size when stimulated." Johnny said, "That's easy. The pupil of the eye enlarges to seven times its original size when stimulated by light." The teacher said, "That's right, Johnny." Then she turned to Susie and said, "Susie, first of all, you didn't do your homework. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, when you get married, you're in for a big disappointment."

During the Community Society Funny Meeting

During the Community Society meeting, the Chairman asked people how their business was.

The Community consisted of people in different professions.

Tailor replied: Just Sew – Sew

Farmer: Mine is growing

Author: All write

Astronomer: it is looking up

Trash collector: It’s picking up.

Electrician: It’s pretty light.

Elevator operator: Mine has its ups and downs.

God is Getting Perfect Day By Day

My little girl was sitting on my lap facing a mirror.

After gazing intently at her reflection for some minutes, she said: ‘Papa, did God make you?’

“certainly, my dear,’ I told her.

“And did he make me, to?’ taking another look in the mirror.

“Certainly, dear. What makes you ask?’

“Seems to me He’s doing better work lately.”

No More Accusations please

After quarrelling with his wife, the man grabbed her by the arm and dragged her down to his local pub.

He bought a pint of bitter and thrust in into her hands.

‘Here, drink that,’ he said. His wife took one gulp and made her face in disgust, and said, “How can you drink such foul – tasting stuff?”

Her husband beamed with satisfaction, “Right then”,

he said, “I will have no more accusations from you that I come down here to enjoy myself.”

The Pearly Gates of Heaven...

Two men waiting at the Pearly Gates strike up a conversation. "How'd you die?" the first man asks the second. "I froze to death," says the second."That's awful," says the first man. "How does it feel to freeze to death?" "It's very uncomfortable at first", says the second man. "You get the shakes, and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How about you, how did you die?"
"I had a heart attack," says the first man. "You see, I knew my wife was cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the bedroom, and found her alone, knitting. I ran down to the basement, but no one was hiding there, either. I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I had a massive heart attack and died." The second man shakes his head. "That's so ironic," he says. "What do you mean?" asks the first man."If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."

Soduko Lovers

Cheating Death

Death came to a guy and said, "My friend today is your day"

Guy:- "But I'm not ready!".

Then death said, "Well your name is the next on my list".

Guy : "Okay why don't you take a seat and I will get you something to eat before we go?".

Then death said,"All right.. ".

The guy gave death some food with sleeping pills in it, death finished eating and fell into a deep sleep.

The guy took the list & removed his name from top of the list and put into the bottom of the list.

When death woke up he said to the guy,

"Because you have been so very nice to me,

I will start from the BOTTOM of the list.."

Moral : What ever is written in your destiny will never change no matter how much you try to..!!

Funny Dog Costumes

Police Investigating..

Police : Where do you live?

Kid : With my parents

Police: Where does your parents live?

Kid : With me

Police : Where do you all live?

Kid : Together

Police : Where is your house?

Kid : Next to my neighbors house

Police : Where is your neighbors house?

Kid : If I tell you, you wont believe me

Police : Tell me Kid : Next to my house

Intelligent Woman

Woman: Is there a problem, Officer? 

Officer: Ma'am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one. 

Officer: Don't have one?

Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.

Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.

Woman: I can't do that.

Officer: Why not?

Woman: I stole this car.

Officer: Stole it?

Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner. 

Officer: You what?

Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see. The Officer looks at the woman, slowly backs away to his car, and calls for back up. 

Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

Officer 2: Ma'am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.

Woman: Is there a problem sir? 

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner? 

Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk. 

Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. 

The first officer is stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license. The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer snaps open the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.

Woman: Betcha the lying bastard told you I was speeding too.