Blonde Password

During a recent password audit at a company, it was found that a

blonde receptionist was using the following password:


"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyLondon"


When asked why she had such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and Include at least one capital.

Swiss vs Russian Army Knife

Kids Are Logical

A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.

She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home.

She read. ‘And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: ‘Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?’

The teacher paused then asked the class: ‘And what do you think the man said?’

One little boy raised his hand and said

’I think the man would have said - ‘What The Fuck!! A talking pig!’

The teacher had to leave the room

Silence Is Golden

A woman goes to the doctor, beaten black and blue.

Doctor: “What happened?”

Woman: “Doctor, I don’t know what to do. Every time my husband comes home drunk he beats me to a pulp.”

Doctor: “I have a real good medicine for that. When your husband comes home drunk, just take a glass of chamomile tea and start gargling with it. Just gargle and gargle.”

Two weeks later the woman comes back to the doctor looking fresh and reborn.

Woman: “Doctor, that was a brilliant idea! Every time my husband came home drunk, I gargled with chamomile tea. I gargled and gargled, and nothing happened!”

Doctor: “You see how keeping your mouth shut helps?”

Go Prepared This Valentines Day

Planning to propose to Girl this Valentines Day - be careful. Go Prepared :)

iMug 1.0

Jan' 10 Archive

Following is archive of posts published in Jan 2010 , check if you missed any...
Have a great Feb :)

• Long Time No See Son, Please Log Off
• I Was Just Practicing
• Sitting Higher Have Big Advantages
• Attention Dogs
• Sex Of Fly
• Also, The Bridge Is Out Ahead
• Engineers
• You Know You Are Living 2010 When
• Reverse Psychology
• This Food Is Too Boring
• Some Nutritional Facts
• Anti Fans
• How You Live Is Your Choice To Make
• Smart Dad
• Exorcist Girl
• Understanding Tax Cuts
• New Pringles Hot n Spicy
• Brave Firemen ?
• Die Hard Canadian Hockey Fan
• Fart Football
• Optimist : Never Gives Up
• Trouble Handling You Kids : Order This
• Happy Plane
• Dream Job
• When Cloning Goes Wrong!!!!
• Flying Could Be Such A Fun
• Last Five Minutes Before The Time Ends Up
• Drinking Competition
• The Four Goldberg Brothers
• Getting Rid Of Wrinkles
• How Dare You Click My Picture Without My Permissio...
• Definition Of Kiss
• Drag N Drop
• Have You Ever Been This Tired????
• This Is What a Computer Should Do First Thing In M...
• Pregnancy Q & A
• Blogging ? Better Mind Your Grammar
• No One Tells Me Shit
• Everything OK : No Protest
• Murphy's Technology Laws
• Life Is Long
• Indian Curry
• I Am Not Amused
• Go !! Stand Against The Wall
• Somethings Are Important Than General Knowledge
• Football Or Is It ?
• Catholic Kids
• Heavenly Meeting
• Photoshop : Fixes Anything
• Snail
• R.I.P.
• Smart Choice
• 3 Stages Of Life
• Why Not Use What You Have?
• The Guy With Pink Tee Is Dead Meat
• Winter Weather Forecast
• The Meeting's Over Guys
• The Importance of Exercise
• DoYou Know Where Kiwi Comes From
• Craziest Explanation Ever
• Donut Philosophy
• Honest Scammer
• Alcohol Addiction
• Quick, Or My Patient Will Die
• Pre Examinations
• Cops On Duty
• Fun Pool Activities
• What To Do When Your Internet Goes Down
• Pie Chart Of Time Spent Working On Electronics
• Think You Are Smart
• Paint Fail
• Nobody Cares About Humans These Days
• How Long Has It Been Since You Played Around?
• My To Do List For Last Year
• Car Won't Start
• Can't Do Without TV
• Why It's Better To Be Women
• Shoot Me
• Questions That Haunt Me
• Happy New Year To All Laughitout Reader
• Obama's New Year Celebration
• New Year Resolutions

Mr. Bean Starring In Avatar Part 2

Men Can Never Understand Women

A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd really love to be ten again" she replied wistfully.

On the morning of her birthday, he arose early, got up, made her a nice big bowl of Frosties and then took her off to their local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Wall of Fear, the Screaming Monster Roller Coaster, everything there was.

Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park. Her head was reeling and her stomach felt upside down.

Right away, they journeyed to a McDonald's where her loving husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake.

Then it was off to the cinema to see the latest blockbuster, complete with a hot-dog, popcorn, a big fizzy drink, and a huge bag of M&M's, her favourite sweets.

What a time she had!

Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed exhausted. He leaned over his precious wife with a big smile and lovingly asked, "Well, Darling, what was it like being ten again?"

Her eyes slowly opened and her expression suddenly changed.

"You idiot", she replied. "I meant my dress size..."

And the moral of the story:

Even when a man is listening, he's still going to get it wrong.

Now Thats A Bike

Advertising Bloopers

• The American Dairy Association was so successful with its "Got Milk?" campaign, that it was decided to extend the ads to Mexico. Unfortunately, the Spanish translation was "Are you lactating?"
• Electrolux, a Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer, used this ad in the U.S.: "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux."
• Colgate introduced a toothpaste called "Cue" in France, but it turned out to be the same name as a well-known porno magazine.
• Coors Beers put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer from diarrhea."
• Chicken magnate Frank Perdue’s line, "It takes a tough man to make a tender chicken," sounds much more interesting in Spanish: "It takes a sexually stimulated man to make a chicken affectionate."
• A hair products company, Clairol, introduced the "Mist Stick", a curling iron, into Germany only to find out that mist is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the manure stick.
• When Kentucky Fried Chicken entered the Chinese market, to their horror they discovered that their slogan "finger lickin’ good" came out as "eat your fingers off"
• Parker Pens translated the slogan for its ink, "Avoid Embarrassment - Use Quink" into Spanish as "Evite Embarazos - Use Quink"...which also means, "Avoid Pregnancy - Use Quink."
• When Pepsi started marketing its products in China a few years back, they translated their slogan, "Pepsi Brings You Back to Life" pretty literally. The slogan in Chinese really meant, "Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back from the Grave."
• In Italy, a campaign for "Schweppes Tonic Water" translated the name into the much less thirst quenching "Schweppes Toilet Water."
• Chinese translation proved difficult for Coke, which took two tries to get it right. They first tried Ke-kou-ke-la because when pronounced it sounded roughly like Coca-Cola. It wasn’t until after thousands of signs had been printed that they discovered that the phrase means "bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax," depending on the dialect. Second time around things worked out much better. After researching 40,000 Chinese characters, Coke came up with "ko-kou-ko-le" which translates roughly to the much more appropriate "happiness in the mouth."
• Not to be outdone, Puffs tissues tried later to introduce its product, only to learn that "Puff" in German is a colloquial term for a whorehouse. The English weren’t too fond of the name either, as it’s a highly derogatory term for a non-heterosexual.
• The Chevy Nova never sold well in Spanish speaking countries. "No va" means "it doesn’t go" in Spanish.
• Ford introduced the Pinto in Brazil. After watching sales go nowhere, the company learned that "Pinto" is Brazilian slang for "tiny male genitals." Ford pried the nameplates off all of the cars and substituted them with "Corcel" which means horse.
• When Gerber first started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as here in the USA - with the cute baby on the label. Later they found out that in Africa companies routinely put pictures on the label of what’s inside since most people can’t read.

Is She Gonna Make It ?

Valentine’s Day Jokes

February 14th is right around the corner, which means it's time for a few misguided Valentine's Day Jokes to poke fun at the day Cupid makes his rounds poking people in the butt with painful arrows and such. Rather than bore you with a bunch of babbling, we'll get right to the funny jokes.

Top 5 Valentine (Or Love / Marriage) Quotes

1. "The poor wish to be rich, the rich wish to be happy, the single wish to be married, and the married wish to be dead." ~Ann Landers
2. "I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste." ~David Bissonnette
3. "It's better to have loved and lost than to do forty pounds of laundry a week." ~Laurence J. Peter
4. "Women are cursed, and men are the proof." ~Rosanne Barr
5. "Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and give her a house." ~Groucho Marx

Top 5 (Lame) Question and Answer Valentine Jokes

Q: What is a ram's favourite song on February 14th?
A: I only have eyes for ewe!

Q: What do squirrels give for Valentine's Day?
A: Forget-me-nuts.

Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope?
A: I'm stuck on you!

Q: What did the light bulb say to the switch?
A: You turn me on.

Cost Of Near Miss

Kelley's Restaurant

A group of 45 year old guys discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally they agree to meet at the Kelley's Restaurant because the waitresses have low cut blouses and nice proportions.

10 years later at age 55, the group agrees to meet at Kelley's because the food is good and the wine selection is excellent.

10 years later at age 65, the group agrees to meet at Kelley's because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free.

10 years later at age 75, the group agrees to meet at Kelley's because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they have an elevator.

10 years later at age 85, the group agrees to meet at Kelley's because they have never been there before.

Long Time No See Son, Please Log Off

I Was Just Practicing

Sitting Higher Have Big Advantages

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing?’
The eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not.’

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Attention Dogs

Sex Of Fly

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter

“What are you doing?” She asked .

“Hunting Flies” He responded ..

“Oh. ! Killing any?” She asked .

“Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,” he replied .

Intrigued , she asked . “How can you tell them apart?”

He responded ,
3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.