Funny(Real) 911 Calls

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is the nature of your emergency?
Caller: I'm trying to reach nine eleven but my phone doesn't have an eleven on it.
Dispatcher: This is nine eleven.
Caller: I thought you just said it was nine-one-one
Dispatcher: Yes, ma'am nine-one-one and nine-eleven are the same thing.
Caller: Honey, I may be old, but I'm not stupid.

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and cheese sandwich.
Dispatcher: Excuse me?
Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken a bite out of it.
Dispatcher: Was anything else taken?
Caller: No, but this has happened to me before and I'm sick and tired of it


Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency?
Caller: Hi, is this the Police?
Dispatcher: This is 9-1-1. Do you need police assistance?
Caller: Well, I don't know who to call. Can you tell me how to cook a turkey? I've never cooked one before.


Dispatcher: 9-1-1 Fire or emergency?
Caller: Fire, I guess.
Dispatcher: How can I help you sir?
Caller: I was wondering...does the Fire Dept. put snow chains on their trucks?
Dispatcher: Yes sir, do you have an emergency?
Caller: Well, I've spent the last 4 hours trying to put these chains on my tires and... well.. do you think the Fire Dept. could come over and help me?
Dispatcher: Help you what?
Caller: Help me get these chains on my car!


Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband!



And the winner is...

Dispatcher: 9-1-1
Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn....I think I'm going to pass out.
Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?
Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster.
Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?
Caller: No
Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing?
Caller: Running from the Police.

14 comments:

Leland Gregory said...

These transcripts were taken verbatim from the book, "What's the Number for 911" by Leland Gregory. If you would like to read more excerpts and hear real, and really stupid, 911 calls please visit www.realwacky.com
Thank you.

Anonymous said...

I've heard all those before in a copy of Uncle john bathroom reader

Anonymous said...

haters

Anonymous said...

Hello

Anonymous said...

lol

Anonymous said...

hey i couldn't breath leave me alone

daliaamor23 said...

lol, this has made my day... I love the first call...

Anonymous said...

my family will defentily like the sandwich one!

Anonymous said...

LOL hilarious

Anonymous said...

Omg

Anonymous said...

Omg haha

Anonymous said...

too.................funny

thanks alot........

Anonymous said...

Once a lady called 911 because McDonalds was out of chicken nuggets! Lol! :D

Flashkid Kantiok said...

its really cool

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