I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat hairy girls.
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven...
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline... it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet beer.
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