- Take my advice; I don't use it anyway.
- A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.
- If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!
- He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.
- Next time you wave, use all your fingers.
- The only perfect science is hindsight.
- A procrastinator's work is never done.
- My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician.
- Leftists are among the first to speak of their rights.
- A penny saved is a Congressional spending oversight.
- I like kids, but I don't think I could eat a whole one.
- AIBOHPHOBIA - the fear of palindromes.
- If puns were outlawed, only outlaws would have puns.
- I was the next door kid's imaginary friend.
- Even crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.
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