Things Men Wish Women Knew

  1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
  2. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
  3. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
  4. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if he can find the perfect present, again!
  5. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
  6. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
  7. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation and monster trucks.
  8. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just like every other cat.
  9. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
  10. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
  11. Shopping is not sport.
  12. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
  13. You have enough clothes.
  14. You have too many shoes.
  15. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
  16. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot and your Dad probably is too.
  17. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
  18. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
  19. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
  20. Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes - what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
  21. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
  22. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
  23. Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend.
  24. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
  25. Check your oil.
  26. Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.
  27. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
  28. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
  29. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
  30. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
  31. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
  32. Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
  33. You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done - not both.
  34. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
  35. Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do we.
  36. Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
  37. Consider Golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just like you do.
  38. Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and it's certainly not going to deter us from reading the magazines.
  39. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out.
  40. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Statements like this convert normal women into lesbians. Your statements show your fear of women, so come out of the closet and join hands with the sex your truly connected with.Either connect with women or come out of the closet.

nachtwache said...

Some people don't understand humour. Humour goes overboard; this is male stereotypes all rolled into one and any guy like this wouldn't be able to hang onto any decent woman. If a guy actually acts like that, he's a big time loser.
Just laugh at it.

Chuck C. said...

While I agree that some of these are a tad exagerated, the majority of them are spot on and hillarious.

I am going to place it on the refrigerator door. It will be the most usefull item on the door since we put the Pizza place phone numbers up!!!

Anonymous said...

WOW...guess truth makes some women bitter...lol

Elle said...

This guy sounds like a pick, but at least he tells it how he see's it.

Mr. Anonymous said...

Wow, bitter much? Look, sweetheart, this was obviously written as a joke to incite laughter. It's not the author's fault that you date douchebags, and you carry that baggage with you. Any smart, decent, positive woman would see this exactly as it is: nonsensical humor.

If this converts you into a lesbian then you were teetering on the edge for way, way too long. Just take the plunge, chop off your hair, burn your bras and embrace it.

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