Sunday, March 15, 2009

Men Are Just Simple People

NICKNAMES

If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.

If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT

When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.

When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel .

The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING

Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.

A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.



THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!

25 comments:

  1. My late husband said he only made two mitakes in his life,one was meeting me,the other was marrying me!!!!

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  2. way to perpetuate gender stereotypes you stupid whores

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  3. ^ way to take a joke douchebag

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  4. not original or funny

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  5. This seems to be a joke for the baby boom generation.

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  6. My boyfriend 0f 5 yrs wants to get married, i told him i didn't want to ruin a great relationship!

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  7. stereotypes come about for one reason... they're true

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  8. Nothing like reusing old internet jokes and passing them off as original thought.

    As for your last "joke"; most of the dads I know have more to do with their children's daily routine than the moms do. Wake up and get ou

    sincerely
    happy2bsingle

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  9. ^Very True. But I also know fathers who have nothing to do with tere children.

    As for the joke it was pretty funny, a bit sexist but none the less funny.
    It's a joke for people with a strong sense of humor.

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  10. Does this show that men are simple, or that women are unnecessarily complicated? ;)

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  11. wow, you guys are all stuck up assbags, I don't believe he ever said it was his work. Why not take the time to appreciate some light humor instead of acting like you are some sort of fountain of insight and wisdom hm?

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  12. ^What he said!!!

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  13. I have been married for 8 years and with my wife for 12... we have two kids... Most of these are fractions of truth. Not all true but built from some sort of truth. If it were not for my Google calendar and my wife I wouldn't know what happens when. You who take this too seriously need to get a life.

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  14. You dissin' lot are fags.
    It's a joke yeah?
    There is a grain of truth there but obviously it doesn't apply to everyone.
    For fuck's sake.

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  15. chick like personMarch 19, 2009 at 8:13 AM

    i'm a teenage girl, and i took no offense. i noticed others did. i think it's funny and partially true. i mean, there are obviously some things that aren't.. but s'okay.

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  16. way to take a joke
    dooshbag

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  17. If you can't relate and laugh at these, you must be a miserable person to watch a sitcom with. Go back to reading your wall street journal!

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  18. why do most of these comments sound like 4chan?

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  19. Niiice
    very funny
    I liked it alot!

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  20. its funny, it wasnt meant to be sexist its just a joke so chilax

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  21. This proof what girls / women that it don't rerated nations(lol
    from Jap

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