- Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, “I think I’ll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?”
- Who was the first person to say “See that chicken there….I’m gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it’s butt.”
- Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
- Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
- If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
- Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
- If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?
- Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don’t point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
- Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?
- Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!
- What do you call male ballerinas?
- Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream??
- If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap,why didn’t he just buy dinner?
- If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
- If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?
- If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
- Isn’t Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?
- Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
- Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
- Why do they call it an asteroid when it’s outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it’s in your ass?
- Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he can’t wait to stick his head out the window into the wind?
- Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
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Or else get a proper crack :)
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