- Pull into a gas station and use the window washer to wash your entire car.
- Ask a bank teller to break a $100 bill for you. Then when asked how you want it done say, “in hundreds”.
- Call a political candidate’s campaign office and ask them for a donation to your non-candidacAy.
- Ask a security guard how it feels knowing that in all the action movies the security guards are always the first to die.
- When you get credit card offers in the mail, stuff the prepaid envelopes with toilet paper and mail them back. (whether you use new or used toilet paper is totally up to you.)
- Call your bank and ask them to add your checking account onto the $700 billion government bail out plan.
- Find someone who is big into worrying about the threat of global warming, remind them of their own carbon dioxide and body heat contribution to the planet, and ask them to stop it.
- Ask a judge if you can get away with murder as long as you can convince a jury of your peers ahead of time that it is justified.
- Send a bill to every TV station, radio station, cell phone company, and satellite company, charging them an “access fee” for the waves they broadcast through your property. If they refuse payment, charge them with trespassing.
- Circulate a petition to put “intelligent human beings” on the endangered species list.
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