- You believe that 50% of people are a waste of good air
- Your idea of a good time is a "man with a gun" call
- You conduct a criminal record check on anyone who seems friendly towards you
- You believe in the aerial spraying of Prozac and birth control pills
- You disbelieve 90% of what you hear and 75% of what you see
- You have your weekends off planned for a year
- You refer to your favorite restaurant by the intersection at which it's located
- You have ever wanted to hold a seminar entitled: "Suicide...getting it Right the first time.
- You ever had to put the phone on hold before you begin laughing uncontrollably
- You think caffeine should be available in IV form
- You believe anyone who says, "I only had two beers" is going to blow more than a .O8
- You find out a lot about paranoia just by following people around
- Anyone has ever said to you, "There are people killing other people out there and you are here messing with me."
- People flag you down on the street and ask you directions to strange places ... and you know where it's located
- You can discuss where you are going to eat with your partner while standing over a dead body
- You are the only person introduced at social gatherings by profession. (ISN'T THIS THE TRUTH!)
- You walk into places and people think it's high comedy to grab their buddy and shout, "They've come to get you, Bill."
- You do not see daylight from November until May
- People shout, "I didn't do it!" when you walk into a room and think they're being hugely funny and original
- A week's worth of laundry consists of 5 T-shirts, 5 pairs of socks,and 5 pairs of underwear
- You've ever referred to Tuesday as "my weekend", or "this is my Friday."
- You've ever written off guns and ammunition as a business deduction
- You believe that unspeakable evils will befall you if anyone says, "Boy, it sure is quiet tonight."
- Discussing dismemberment over a meal seems perfectly normal to you
- You find humor in other people's stupidity
- You have left more meals on the restaurant table than you've eaten
- You feel good when you hear "these handcuffs are too tight."
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