- Santa is bearded, corpulent, and dresses funny.
- When you ask Santa for something, the odds of receiving what you wanted are infinitesimal.
- Santa seldom answers your mail.
- When you ask Santa where he gets all the stuff he's got, he says, "Elves make it for me."
- Santa doesn't care about your deadlines.
- Your parents ascribed supernatural powers to Santa, but did all the work themselves.
- Nobody knows who Santa has to answer to for his actions.
- Santa laughs entirely too much.
- Santa thinks nothing of breaking into your HOME.
- Only a lunatic says bad things about Santa in his presence.
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