- If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
- All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.
- All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.
- Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
- The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building without difficulty.
- Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
- The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.
- A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
- When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out a note - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
- If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow by 15cm.
- Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to eat them.
- Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.
- A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.
- Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
- All single women have a cat.
- Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
- One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at one.
- Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.
- Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings - especially if any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.
- It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involved martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessor.
- During a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing the person you are speaking to, it is customary to stand behind them and talk to their back.
- When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
- Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them.
- When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
- Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gases, lasers and man eating sharks that will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
- Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son's eighth birthday.
- Many musical instruments - especially wind instruments and accordions - can be played without moving the fingers.
- All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
- It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting.
- A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
BOY : May I hold your hand? GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me! BOY : You love me... GIRL : If w...
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much lea...
1. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either. 2. I ...
Albert Einstein is best mind known to human. He was the most Intellectual person ever. But still he had a funny side to him. Following are s...
I'd really love to, but... I have to floss my cat. I've dedicated my life to linguini. I want to spend more ...
I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect , and therefore I'm perfect. If I save time, when do I get it back? The statement below is true...
“I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate Amer...
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts. If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is...
Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what the hell happened. ~Cora Harvey Armstrong~ The hardest years in life are those ...