It was a nice weekend, so John spent the morning driving around looking for yard sales. After just a few minutes looking, he spots a sign posted in someone's yard that reads "Talking Dog For Sale."
Interested in what this might actually be, John knocks on the door. The owner calmly tells him the dog is in the backyard. So he goes back there, and sees a German Shepherd sitting there next to a small doghouse.
"You talk?" John asks.
"Yep," the Lab replies. Much to John's surprise!
"Umm, yeah... so, what's the deal. How can you talk? What's your story?"
The Golden Retriever looks upward with the most sincere eyes and says, "Well, I discovered that I could talk when I was pretty young, and I wanted to help the government; so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time at all they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies for eight years running. But the jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger so I wanted to settle down. I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings and was awarded a batch of medals. I got married, had a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
John is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him so cheap?"
"Because he's a liar. He didn't do any of that shit."