- During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
- All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
- If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
- All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman, but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
- All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
- It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
- The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Noone will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
- You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
- Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
- If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.
- The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
- A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
- If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
- The Chief of Police is always black.
- When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
- Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from elsewhere in the universe.
- Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
- If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
- Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say:
- Enter Password Now.
- Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
- The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective -- or give him 48 hours to finish the job.
- A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of RFK Stadium.
- It is not necessary to say hello or good-bye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
- Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
- All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
- It is always possible to park directly outside the building you are visiting, even in the middle of New York City.
- If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
- Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization.
- It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts -- your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
- Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
- When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
- You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
- Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paperclip in seconds -- unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
- An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur, will cause no lasting damage to an eight year old child.
- Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment.
- Bad guys can spray machine-gun fire everywhere, never hitting the hero (But hitting the ground and objects nearby) and the hero can hit a bad guy at 100 yards with a five-shot revolver that can fire twenty bullets without reloading.
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