Bad Things to Hear On An Airplane

1. This is your captain speaking and I don't feel that life is worth living anymore.
2. We're cruising at an altitude of... ah, hell, I don't know.
3. Could somebody come up here and tell me what this button does?
4. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! Just kidding.
5. Would a flight attendant bring me a martini? And keep 'em coming!
6. This is...uh...this is...uh...your...hmm. I seem to have lost my memory.
7. Passengers on the left side of the plane -- does that engine sound funny to you?
8. Welcome aboard flight 109 -- you bunch of jerks!
9. Good God, Steve! We're going to crash! Oops -- is this intercom on?
10. We'll be on the ground in 10 minutes. One way or another.