TedsWoodworking Plans and Projects

Friday, October 10, 2008

Days In Hell

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell. As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil …

Satan: ‘Why so glum?’

Guy: ‘What do you think? I’m in hell!’

Satan: ‘Hell’s not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?’

Guy: ‘Sure, I love to drink.’

Satan: ‘Well, you’re gonna love Mondays then. On Mondays, that’s all we do is drink. Whiskey, tequila, Guinness, wine coolers, Tab and Fresca. We drink ’til we throw up and then we drink some more! And you don’t have to worry about getting a hangover, because you’re dead anyway.’

Guy: ‘Gee that sounds great!’

Satan: ‘You a smoker?’

Guy: ‘You better believe it’

Satan: ‘All right! You’re gonna love Tuesdays. We get the finest cigars from all over the world and smoke our lungs out. If you get cancer - no biggie, you’re already dead, remember?’

Guy: ‘Wow … that’s awesome!’

Satan: ‘I bet you like to gamble.’

Guy: ‘Why, yes, as a matter of fact I do.’

Satan: ‘Good, ’cause Wednesdays you can gamble all you want. Craps, blackjack, roulette, poker, slots, whatever. If you go bankrupt, it doesn’t matter, you’re dead anyhow.’

Guy: ‘Cool!’

Satan: ‘What about drugs?’

Guy: ‘Are you kidding? Love drugs! You don’t mean …?’

Satan: ‘That’s right! Thursday is drug day. Help yourself to a great big bowl of crack or smack. Smoke a doobie the size of a submarine. You can do all the drugs you want. You’re dead so who cares.’

Guy: ‘Wow! I never realized Hell was such a cool place!’

Satan: ‘You gay?’

Guy: ‘No…’

Satan: ‘Oooo, Fridays are gonna be tough …


  1. hahahahaha although to be honest I thought about that for a while and that is a really tough decision to make, is it worth getting bum raped one day every week for all the drink and drugs and gambling you want? id have to see whats on the weekend menu before I committed myself. although im pretty sure if religion was real, i'd end up in hell anyway.

  2. how can you really consider marijuana a drug?
    i know it's just a joke, but still..

  3. The same way caffeine is a drug, Anon on the 23rd.

  4. dude, i'd have gay sex every week to drink, smoke, and shoot up all the shit i could.

  5. if u smoke really hard on the thursday, maybe the friday will disappear and u'll just wake up with an aching ass on saturday =P

  6. win...with the smoking yourself stupid until saturday

  7. My new goal in life is to go to hell. I am a girl... Friday's shouldn't be too bad. Hopefully the weekend is a combination of all of the weekdays plus sports.

  8. hitler is in hell

    Goodwin stikes again!

  9. i bet the girl on 3 comments above doesnt know fridays are with donkeys and horses huh?


  10. Haha, this would be awesome.
    I'll take in the rear for doing whatever the fuck i want for the rest of the week.
    ill just keep some leftover heroine from thursday, shoot up, let the gay guys do whatever, wake up saturday. ahaha.

  11. dide everyone forget the obvious fact that you're also fucking a dude in the ass. not that it makes up for taking it in the butt, but atleast you can bust a nut and think of a girl

  12. Hell sounds a lot more entertaining.

    Boredom would be the worst afterlife ever.

  13. Gay test Fails all round

  14. sounds like you've all been there before.

  15. Too bad there is no such thing as hell then. Or heaven, or Satan, or God.

  16. Atheismcat dissaproves....but this is awesome other than Friday.


  18. wtf so many closet gays

  19. so couldn't heaven have all those things too??? Like if you drink, smoke, do whatever, that would be considered heaven if thats what you like.

  20. You in here... for some marijuana?!?! BOO THIS MAN!


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