- Life isn’t like a box of chocolates, it’s more like a jar of jalapeños — you never know what’s going to burn your ass.
- I love deadlines. I especially like the Whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.
- Tell me what you need, and I’ll tell you how to get along without it.
- Needing someone is like needing a parachute. If they aren’t there the first time, chances are you won’t be needing them again.
- I don’t have an attitude problem, you have a perception problem.
- Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?
- My reality check bounced.
- On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
- I don’t suffer from stress. I am a carrier !
- You are slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter.
- Everyone is someone else’s weirdo.
- Never argue with an idiot.. They drag you down to their level then beat you with experience.
- Be careful . . .a pat on the back is only a few centimeters from a kick in the butt.
- Don’t be irreplaceable - if you can’t be replaced, you won’t be promoted.
- The more Sh*t you put up with, the more Sh*t you are going to get.
- You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
- So this isn’t Home Sweet Home . . . Adjust!
- Ring bell for maid service. If no answer, do it yourself!
- I came, I saw, I decided to order take out.
- Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.
- I’d live life in the fast lane, but I am married to a speed bump.
- Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without a boner, make him a sandwich!
- What should you give a man who has everything? A woman to show him how to work it!
- How can you tell which bottle contains her PMS medicine? It’s the one with bite marks on the cap!
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Axioms of the New Generation
BOY : May I hold your hand? GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me! BOY : You love me... GIRL : If w...
Albert Einstein is best mind known to human. He was the most Intellectual person ever. But still he had a funny side to him. Following are s...
Who says today’s kids aren’t smart? Well, some of them are! I wish I’d thought of this ... At a high school in Montana a group of stu...
1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out. 2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. 3. Going to church doesn...
1. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either. 2. I ...
Q - Why is it called a TV set when there's only one? Q - If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as ...
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much lea...
The average bed is home to over 6 billion dust mites. Just twenty seconds worth of fuel remained when Apollo 11's lunar module landed on...
There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot. Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in...