TedsWoodworking Plans and Projects

Friday, January 9, 2009

Best of Bumper Stickers

· My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her…or something like that.

· Keep honking while I reload.

· If we are what we eat; I’m cheap, fast, and easy.

· Bad Cop! No Donut!

· Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

· It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better

· I love cats … they taste just like chicken.

· I get enough exercise just pushing my luck

· Sorry, I don’t date outside my species

· Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

· Cover me. I’m changing lanes.

· As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

· Happiness is a belt-fed weapon.

· Laugh alone and the world thinks you’re an idiot.

· Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep.

· I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather… Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car …

· Tow-ers will be violated.

· Montana - At least our cows are sane!

· The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

· I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

· Your kid may be an honor student but you’re still an IDIOT!

· It’s as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you.

· When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.

· Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.

· Friends don’t let Friends drive Naked.

· Wink, I’ll do the rest!

· I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

· When there’s a will, I want to be in it!

· Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?

· If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

· Diarrhea is inherited. It runs in your jeans!

· Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

· My karma ran over my dogma.

· Reality? That’s where the pizza delivery guy comes from!

· Forget about World Peace…..Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!

· Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

· Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

· We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

· Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

· He who laughs last thinks slowest.

· Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

· Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

· Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

· Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.

· Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

· Consciousness: that annoying time between naps. i souport publik edekasion.

· We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.

· Be nice to your kids. They’ll choose your nursing home.

· There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can’t.

· Why is “abbreviation” such a long word?

· Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

· Diplomacy is the art of saying ‘Nice doggie!’… till you can find a rock.

· 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.


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