TedsWoodworking Plans and Projects

Saturday, April 17, 2010

I Owe My Mother

1.    My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. 
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3.  My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because,  I  said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC . 
"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My  mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY. 
"Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about."

8..  My mother taught me about the  science of OSMOSIS .
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught  me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11.  My mother taught me about  WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother  taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF  LIFE..
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out"

14. My mother  taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION .
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My  mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother  taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught  me about RECEIVING .
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to get stuck that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20.  My mother taught me HUMOUR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT .
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS. 
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my  ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you.  Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM. 
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

And my favorite: 

25  My mother taught me about JUSTICE  .
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"


  1. love all of them!

  2. hahahaha love it. these are so true :D

  3. That is my Mother up and down. I love it. <3

  4. I love #25 my personal favourite...so sweet! ( but that comes with mothers XD)

  5. Sounds exactly like my mother...a complete bitch.

  6. omg!i'm laughing so hard i'm out of breath!!

  7. Rofl x
    My Mum says all of those :D

  8. Hella lol truest shit ever....

  9. Great fun! Too bad today's moms don't have this vocabulary.
    Tough Love: You guys turned out great.
    Now get busy and fix this dumb economy...don't bother with the politicians, they're clueless

  10. 12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
    "If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"
    ...."and avoid cliches like the plague!"


Current Hits