I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't.
-James Holt McGavra
Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
-Patrick Murra
The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once....
-Nash
You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
-Anonymous
My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
-Henny Youngman
A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
-Rodney Dangerfield
A man inserted an ad in the classifieds: Wife wanted. Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: You can have mine.
-Anonymous
First Guy (proudly): My wife's an angel!
Second Guy:.You're lucky, mine's still alive.
-Anonymous
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The last one "Mine's still alive" is from the British Comedy series "Mind Your Language" , a quote from Sidney the care taker.
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