- I was so poor growing up! If I wasn't a boy, I'd have had nothing to play with.
- A girl phoned me the other day and said, "Come on over; nobody's home." I went over. Nobody was home.
- During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
- One day I came home early from work. I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy, "Hey buddy, why are you doing that?" He said, "Because you came home early."
- Its been a rough day. I got up this morning, put a shirt on and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.
- I was such an ugly kid. When I played in the sandbox, the cat kept covering me up.
- I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and radio.
- I was such an ugly baby. My mother never breastfed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.
- I'm so ugly, my father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
- When I was born, the doctor came into the waiting room and said to my father, "I'm sorry. We did everything we could, but he pulled through."
- I'm so ugly, my mother had morning sickness after I was born.
- I remember the time that I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
- Once when I was lost, I saw a policeman, and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him, "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said, "I don't know kid. There's so many places they can hide."
- My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday.
- I'm so ugly, I worked in a pet shop, and people kept asking how big I'd get.
- I went to see my doctor. "Doctor, every morning when I get up and I look in the mirror, I feel like throwing up. What's wrong with me?" He said, "I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."
- I went to the doctor because I'd swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.
- With my old man I got no respect. I asked him, "How can I get my kite in the air?" He told me to run off a cliff.
- Some dog I got. We call him Egypt because in every room he leaves a pyramid. His favorite bone is in my arm. Last night he went on the paper four times -- three of those times I was reading it.
- One year they wanted to make me poster boy -- for birth control.
- My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting in his lap; he was in the electric chair.
Friday, July 8, 2011
21 Funny One Liners
BOY : May I hold your hand? GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me! BOY : You love me... GIRL : If w...
Albert Einstein is best mind known to human. He was the most Intellectual person ever. But still he had a funny side to him. Following are s...
Who says today’s kids aren’t smart? Well, some of them are! I wish I’d thought of this ... At a high school in Montana a group of stu...
1. I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow is not looking good either. 2. I ...
Q - Why is it called a TV set when there's only one? Q - If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as ...
1. If you're too open minded, your brains will fall out. 2. Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. 3. Going to church doesn...
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much lea...
The average bed is home to over 6 billion dust mites. Just twenty seconds worth of fuel remained when Apollo 11's lunar module landed on...
There's a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore like an idiot. Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in...