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Tuesday, January 30, 2018

Funny Comments Captured From Actual Police Car Videos

  • “You know, stop lights don’t come any redder than the one you just went through.” 
  • “Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while.”
  • “If you take your hands off the car, I’ll make your birth certificate a worthless document.”
  • “If you run, you’ll only go to jail tired.” 
  • “Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that’s the speed of the bullet that’ll be chasing you.”(LOVE IT) 
  • “You don’t know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?” (MY FAVORITE) 
  • “Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don’t think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I’m the shift supervisor?”
  • “Warning! You want a warning? O.K, I’m warning you not to do that again or I’ll give you another ticket.” 
  • “The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?”
  • "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop.” 
  • "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven.” 
  • "In God we trust; all others we run through NCIC.” ( National Crime Information Center ) 
  • "Just how big were those ‘two beers’ you say you had?” 
  • "No sir, we don’t have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we’re allowed to write as many tickets as we can.”
  • "I’m glad to hear that the Chief (of Police) is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail.” 
  • "You didn’t think we give pretty women tickets? You’re right, we don’t.. Sign here.” 


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