Why is the military so strict about their uniforms?
To minimize casual tees...
HR: "Forget everything you learned in college, you won't need it working here"
Me : "But I never went to college."
HR: "I'm sorry, you're under-qualified to work here."
On my first day in prison, my cellmate said to me...
"If you ever come close to me, I'll fucking skin you alive. When we're sleeping, you don't fucking touch me. You hear me? Don't ever talk to me, either."
"Fucking great." I thought, "First day in here and I'm already married."
My wife said to me: "If you won the lottery, would you still love me?"
I said: "Of course I would. I'd miss you, but I'd still love you."
Why do women and children get to evacuate first?
So the men can die in peace
What do nurses watch at the old folks home?