Sarcastic Sayings

  1. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
  2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
  3. It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.
  4. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
  5. Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
  6. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
  7. If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
  8. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.
  9. If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
  10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
  11. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
  12. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
  13. Some days you’re the bug; some days you’re the windshield.
  14. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
  15. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket.
  16. A closed mouth gathers no foot.
  17. Duct tape is like ‘The Force’. It has a light side and a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
  18. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
  19. Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much when your lips are moving.
  20. Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
  21. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

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30 comments:

Anonymous said...

I LOVE IT!!

Anonymous said...

these aren't really sarcasm...

Anonymous said...

true,all true..and therefore not at all sarcastic.

Anonymous said...

You Americans just don't get Sarcasm....

Anonymous said...

This is not sarcasm, but they're funny and to the person who says that American's don't get sarcasm, that's a stereotype and obviously you have never met American's because most of us are extremely sarcastic.

Anonymous said...

whoever said most americans= sarcastic, so right!!

Anonymous said...

None of these are sarcastic. And Americans don't get sarcasm it's true. And yes, I have met many Americans.

Anonymous said...

They are funny but not sarcastic its true but I have only ever met a few Americans so I don't know which side to go for lol but I AM against stereotyping =P

Claire said...

LOL Love those!

Anonymous said...

this is Anonymous talking to
himself ?

Anonymous said...

I'm one of the most sarcastic people i know, and i'm American, and i agree that these saying aren't sarcastic whatsoever

Anonymous said...

You have met American's have you? I'm American, and you haven't met me. I mean we all must be blood thirsty(Twilight lover's) Oh wait I've never even seen those movies, or even read the books. Money loving, (Wall Street) Oh wait, that's just the top 1% Nevermind about that one either. And uneducated sluts. Ha, that one actually may be true. (At least meaning pregnancy rates) Untill you meet all of us, you can't catagorize us. You're obviously hanging around the wrong people, and must be very "SLOW" if you really think that you can catagorize a whole group of people, millions upon millions, based on just a few of them.

Go back to school Bro

Anonymous said...

i am american, and i breathe sarcasm. you are an idiot, and the comments above are not sarcastic... but they are amusing soo... i'll warrant it.

Anonymous said...

Americans almost created sarcasm and if you've "met many Americans" you haven't exactly been looking in the right places then ;) Just sayin'

Anonymous said...

Well saying americans don't have sarcasm is like saying Russians don't like Vodka. It is a stereotype but not true...

Teknohead said...

How can you "Almost" create something. I almost won the lottery last night, only I forgot to buy a ticket..

dbakeca said...

Love it!

Anonymous said...

These don't atrike me as being sarcastic, True, but, not sarcastic.

Anonymous said...

IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING MEAN TO SAY WRITE IT NICELY THEN PUT IT IN AN EVOLOPE AND THEN STICK IT UP YOUR ASS

Car Accident Injury Lawyers said...

These are great for a laugh! I truly enjoy reading serious quotes, but this is a way to enjoy great quotes with a punch line to make you laugh it off. Thanks for sharing!

Anonymous said...

To all those Anonymous Americans on here who are getting all bent out of shape because someone said Americans don't get sarcasm. The way you are reacting to this just proves YOU DON'T GET IT. ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Anonymous said...

That's why I'm glad I was born in Florida.. stupid Americans!!

Anonymous said...

I don't see any sarcasm here, just child's play

Anonymous said...

That my friend was very lame

Anonymous said...

That,is correct,but when you say "all those anoymonous americans" your implying that you are also a American, But thanks a lot people who make Americans look like idiots by taking someone's comment to heart,jeez people what is wrong with this generation

Anonymous said...

To the sterotyping " Anonymous" who started this whole thing....... I'm sure you don't get it! Which is why you said it in the first place! Kiss my American what? Period End!!

Anonymous said...

That wasn't sarcasm, that was stereotyping. And I'm pretty sure Americans started the whole sarcasm thing and these quotes are not sarcastic...however a little funny.

Anonymous said...

To the obvious American hater....if I throw a stick, would you PLEASE fetch it

Magus said...

Witty!!!

*Wink

Anonymous said...

Americans get sarcasm. We just don't catch it through accents.

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