- I am very detail-oreinted.
- My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable.
- Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!
- Enclosed is a ruff draft of my resume.
- It’s best for employers that I not work with people.
- Here are my qualifications for you to overlook.
- I am a quick leaner, dependable, and motivated.
- If this resume doesn’t blow your hat off, then please return it in the enclosed envelope.
- My fortune cookie said, “Your next interview will result in a job.” And I like your company in particular.
- I saw your ad on the information highway, and I came to a screeching halt.
- Insufficient writing skills, thought processes have slowed down some. If I am not one of the best, I will look for another opportunity.
- Please disregard the attached resume-it is terribly out of date.
- Seek challenges that test my mind and body, since the two are usually inseparable.
- Graduated in the top 66% of my class.
- Reason for leaving last job: The owner gave new meaning to the word paranoia. I prefer to elaborate privately.
- Never been fired, although it could happen anytime now.
- I have happily been a “kept man” for the past 10 years.
- Reason for leaving: They stopped paying me.
- Cover letter: Desire the chance to showcase my delightful personality, intelligence and superior judgment, which are so hard to find these days.
- Personal achievements: Successfully played “Chop Sticks” on a toy piano with my big toes.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Things That People Actually Put On Their Resumes
Tags: funny lists
BOY : May I hold your hand? GIRL : No thanks, it isn't heavy GIRL : Say you love me! Say you love me! BOY : You love me... GIRL : If w...
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NICKNAMES If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they...