- My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
- I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
- Some people are alive only because it's illegal! To kill them.
- I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
- Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
- You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
- Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
- Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
- I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.
- Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
- God must love stupid people; He made so many.
- Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
- Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
- Being 'over the hill' is much better than being under it!
- Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
- A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
- A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
- Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
- They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
- He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
- A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
- Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
- The trouble with life is there's no background music.
- The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson.
- I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.
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